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Old 09-30-2005, 10:33 AM   #8 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver
They call me Tundra Boy
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
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Hi, I liked this poem anyway. As you asked for somebody to make it a bit less chinese-english I've just altered it directly, see what you think of it.

I just got rid of a few unnecessary commas, added one 'are' and changed the last line to one with more typical grammar. The words I added are in capitals so you can see them easily. Hope its of some help.

---

We need no campus,
we need only, buildings with bars.
the dawn, for the day dreamers,
and the sunset, for the broken-hearts.

The garden for the love birds,
only to be disturbed,
by insects, all kinds of bugs.
All these living creatures,
they witness and outlive their romance.

The journey is the reward for the losers.
Even the cat suffers.
Why ARE we different?
All I need,
Is some decent sleep,
TO WAKE UP AND ESCAPE (And wake up escape)
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