Famine, plague, fiscal meltdown, wars, religious scandals and human rights violations, and are we concerned about these? Heaven forfend! We'd rather read about what a bunch of lollygaggers and gasbags have been writing --- and I use the term very loosely --- in their so-called journals. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Surely you people can find something better to do with your time? Spell in the army would do you all the world of --- what? My medication, Smithers? No, I haven't, why? Ah ---
Tra-la-la! Time to see what you wonderful people have been writing in those oh-so-fabulous journals you so kindly update for us on an ongoing basis, with quite simply some of the finest prose and I really don't understand how such unmitigated drivel can pour from the pens of --- what, Smithers? TWO pills? Why no I believe you only gave me one ---
Tra-la-la! What a beautiful day! We should continue this out in the sunshine. Raining? Why, rain is just God's tears of happiness and I certainly don't mind getting wet if you don't. Now, let's get back to those marvelllous journals, shall we, while the medication lasts!
That jolly
Batlord chap is back where in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...t-schemes.html he's coming to the end of his adventurous capers --- note from the Batlord, you say? Hmm let's see... "so if you're a --" what? I'm not reading that! Oh, very well! --- "if you be a true Metalhead continue, if not then "**** off you pansy"? Can I say that here? Hmm. His Batship has also begun a second journal, copying such luminaries as Janszoon and Trollheart, and in his second journal, well
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lks-about.html apparently, and first off he's checking out, um, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, and Sonic Youth. Um, yes, rather. I do like the picture he uses for when he's listening to the recordings, though. If you don't mind being constantly harangued and insulted, check out his musings.
The last time we heard from
CanwllCorfe was over a year ago, and true to his journal's title he has up to now been
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...an-corner.html --- in fact, I wonder he hasn't fallen asleep? But now he's back, and writing about, (with no doubt the influence of the abovenamed Batlord) "anything the **** I like". What the **** he likes writing about this week is some EDM music, and how he feels it's changed over the last while. Yes, indeed. Not my bag, but worth a visit certainly, if only to confirm he's still alive...
Another one coming back after having taken a break is
Engine, who last posted almost exactly one month ago. He's continuing his story in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...can-dream.html and if you haven't been reading, get yourself up to date now.
Newest member
Kelli's
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...e-journal.html is coming along nicely, with a new review of Johnny Marr's solo album and promised looks at Palma Violets and BRMC (which I'm told by Smithers --- believe me, he knows these sort of people! --- stands for Black Rebel Motorcycle Club --- ah yes, those "Hell's Satans" fellows, eh?) to come...
Great news for
Plankton, who has located his long-missing father and is arranging a family reunion. Good on ya guy! Check
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...um-bucket.html here and sure, leave him a message of congratulations; I'm sure it will be appreciated.
That lazy
Trollheart has finally responded to my digs at him (yes, I dug a hole --- well, had Smithers dig it of course! --- and had him thrown in and left there until he promised to get his act together) and this week you'll find updates in all three of his journals. In
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html he has reviews of albums by Sam Brown, Robbie Williams and the new one from Nick Cave, while in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html he's less than impressed by the work of Enchant and Coney Hatch. Finally,
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-emporium.html has another episode of Red Dwarf, the second Spooks episode and the first from The New Statesman. Excellent! Amazing what a little, ah, motivation can do, is it not?
Someone who may also benefit from spending some time in a hole is
Unknown Soldier ! Only the one review --- a Kiss album --- in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html? Tut tut! We shall have to see how we can motivate you, young man! Smithers! Fetch the bottomless trousers and the bucket of soapy frogs!
And to finish us off for this week, the incomparable and lovely
Vanilla has an entry in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-eargasms.html (wickedly funny title, young lady!) about a band from her native land called Bailter Space. Go there now. I command it! Heh. Sorry about that, drugs must be starting to...
So, once again a bumper crop of fine writing, articles, funny stories and album reviews that really are, I have to say, second to none on this interweb thing. I feel privileged to have --- SMITHERS! THE DRUGS ARE WEARING OFF-- What a total pile of nonsense! Never seen such inarticulate, pointless, self-indulegent twaddle in all my ---- TRA LA LA! Delighted to have been of service to such fine scribes, writers of the future oh yes.
SMITHERS! Get on the phone to that overpaid quack who calls himself my doctor! These pills have me up and down like ABSOLUE RUBBISH! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TO wonderful writing, carefully thought out, excellent designs TOTAL POPPYCOCK! SHOULD BE CONSIGNED EN MASSE TO the Louvre or the Tate Gallery, absolute masterpieces OF GARBAGE ---AAAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!
Er, ahem! This is Waylon Smithers speaking. Mister Burns' various medications have rather alarmingly led to his taking a stroke, although whereas other people would consider this a major event, to Mr Burns it's just something that happens to him now and then. He lives with it. He IS on his fourth heart, after all, so such things are to be expected.
Before the ambulance came he dictated to me a note which he wishes me to read out to all your journal writers. Let's see ... hard to make out his writing ... hmmm...
"I expect to sew a hug --- sew a hug? Ah no, my mistake --- SEE a HUGE --- I expect to see a huge impoverishment --- sorry, improvement --- in the --- drills and nuns? --- ah, drivel and nonsense, I believe it says --- that (surely that can't be the word? Mister Burns would never ... oh!) passes --- for writing on this --- doubtful? Delightful? No, that's not it. Demeaning? No, no, it's damnable --- this damnable corner of the internet. Otherwise you may all console --- consider --- yourself feared. Er, fired."
Till next Sunday then, as Mister Burns would say, er,
Toodles.