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Old 03-13-2013, 08:00 PM   #271 (permalink)
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lol thanks for the mention
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Old 03-17-2013, 07:22 PM   #272 (permalink)
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Default The Music Journals weekly update, w/e March 17 2013

Famine, plague, fiscal meltdown, wars, religious scandals and human rights violations, and are we concerned about these? Heaven forfend! We'd rather read about what a bunch of lollygaggers and gasbags have been writing --- and I use the term very loosely --- in their so-called journals. Heavens to Murgatroyd! Surely you people can find something better to do with your time? Spell in the army would do you all the world of --- what? My medication, Smithers? No, I haven't, why? Ah ---

Tra-la-la! Time to see what you wonderful people have been writing in those oh-so-fabulous journals you so kindly update for us on an ongoing basis, with quite simply some of the finest prose and I really don't understand how such unmitigated drivel can pour from the pens of --- what, Smithers? TWO pills? Why no I believe you only gave me one ---

Tra-la-la! What a beautiful day! We should continue this out in the sunshine. Raining? Why, rain is just God's tears of happiness and I certainly don't mind getting wet if you don't. Now, let's get back to those marvelllous journals, shall we, while the medication lasts!

That jolly Batlord chap is back where in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...t-schemes.html he's coming to the end of his adventurous capers --- note from the Batlord, you say? Hmm let's see... "so if you're a --" what? I'm not reading that! Oh, very well! --- "if you be a true Metalhead continue, if not then "**** off you pansy"? Can I say that here? Hmm. His Batship has also begun a second journal, copying such luminaries as Janszoon and Trollheart, and in his second journal, well http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lks-about.html apparently, and first off he's checking out, um, Teenage Jesus and the Jerks, and Sonic Youth. Um, yes, rather. I do like the picture he uses for when he's listening to the recordings, though. If you don't mind being constantly harangued and insulted, check out his musings.

The last time we heard from CanwllCorfe was over a year ago, and true to his journal's title he has up to now been http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...an-corner.html --- in fact, I wonder he hasn't fallen asleep? But now he's back, and writing about, (with no doubt the influence of the abovenamed Batlord) "anything the **** I like". What the **** he likes writing about this week is some EDM music, and how he feels it's changed over the last while. Yes, indeed. Not my bag, but worth a visit certainly, if only to confirm he's still alive...

Another one coming back after having taken a break is Engine, who last posted almost exactly one month ago. He's continuing his story in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...can-dream.html and if you haven't been reading, get yourself up to date now.

Newest member Kelli's http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...e-journal.html is coming along nicely, with a new review of Johnny Marr's solo album and promised looks at Palma Violets and BRMC (which I'm told by Smithers --- believe me, he knows these sort of people! --- stands for Black Rebel Motorcycle Club --- ah yes, those "Hell's Satans" fellows, eh?) to come...

Great news for Plankton, who has located his long-missing father and is arranging a family reunion. Good on ya guy! Check http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...um-bucket.html here and sure, leave him a message of congratulations; I'm sure it will be appreciated.

That lazy Trollheart has finally responded to my digs at him (yes, I dug a hole --- well, had Smithers dig it of course! --- and had him thrown in and left there until he promised to get his act together) and this week you'll find updates in all three of his journals. In http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html he has reviews of albums by Sam Brown, Robbie Williams and the new one from Nick Cave, while in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html he's less than impressed by the work of Enchant and Coney Hatch. Finally, http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-emporium.html has another episode of Red Dwarf, the second Spooks episode and the first from The New Statesman. Excellent! Amazing what a little, ah, motivation can do, is it not?

Someone who may also benefit from spending some time in a hole is Unknown Soldier ! Only the one review --- a Kiss album --- in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html? Tut tut! We shall have to see how we can motivate you, young man! Smithers! Fetch the bottomless trousers and the bucket of soapy frogs!

And to finish us off for this week, the incomparable and lovely Vanilla has an entry in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-eargasms.html (wickedly funny title, young lady!) about a band from her native land called Bailter Space. Go there now. I command it! Heh. Sorry about that, drugs must be starting to...

So, once again a bumper crop of fine writing, articles, funny stories and album reviews that really are, I have to say, second to none on this interweb thing. I feel privileged to have --- SMITHERS! THE DRUGS ARE WEARING OFF-- What a total pile of nonsense! Never seen such inarticulate, pointless, self-indulegent twaddle in all my ---- TRA LA LA! Delighted to have been of service to such fine scribes, writers of the future oh yes.

SMITHERS! Get on the phone to that overpaid quack who calls himself my doctor! These pills have me up and down like ABSOLUE RUBBISH! WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TO wonderful writing, carefully thought out, excellent designs TOTAL POPPYCOCK! SHOULD BE CONSIGNED EN MASSE TO the Louvre or the Tate Gallery, absolute masterpieces OF GARBAGE ---AAAAAARRRRGGHHHHH!!!!

Er, ahem! This is Waylon Smithers speaking. Mister Burns' various medications have rather alarmingly led to his taking a stroke, although whereas other people would consider this a major event, to Mr Burns it's just something that happens to him now and then. He lives with it. He IS on his fourth heart, after all, so such things are to be expected.

Before the ambulance came he dictated to me a note which he wishes me to read out to all your journal writers. Let's see ... hard to make out his writing ... hmmm...

"I expect to sew a hug --- sew a hug? Ah no, my mistake --- SEE a HUGE --- I expect to see a huge impoverishment --- sorry, improvement --- in the --- drills and nuns? --- ah, drivel and nonsense, I believe it says --- that (surely that can't be the word? Mister Burns would never ... oh!) passes --- for writing on this --- doubtful? Delightful? No, that's not it. Demeaning? No, no, it's damnable --- this damnable corner of the internet. Otherwise you may all console --- consider --- yourself feared. Er, fired."

Till next Sunday then, as Mister Burns would say, er,
Toodles.
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Old 03-18-2013, 01:05 PM   #273 (permalink)
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Firstly you can't spell marvellllllous, secondly my Kiss review is actually two albums and I'm about to submit a review today, which was written yesterday. Thirdly saying I'm down in a hole, isn't that a terrible Alice in Chains song?
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Old 03-18-2013, 03:37 PM   #274 (permalink)
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Firstly you can't spell marvellllllous, secondly my Kiss review is actually two albums and I'm about to submit a review today, which was written yesterday. Thirdly saying I'm down in a hole, isn't that a terrible Alice in Chains song?
"Mister Burns would like it to be known that as his attorneys we have his full permission to respond to you.

Article 1: We do not see the word "marvellous" mentioned in the piece, and furthermore (1a.) we would submit that Mister Burns was, as stated in paragraph 13.2(c) on a strong cocktail of medication at the time, so can hardly be held responsible for misspellings. Also, as per his statement on March 18, 2013 at 14:56 BST, to wit: it was all Smithers' fault.

Article 2: Two Kiss albums is still one review. Mr. Burns would remind you that you are contracted to furnish at least three reviews per week, and the fact that your most recent effort did not make it in time for the update is simply another case of your not being able to work to a deadline, something he will address on his release from hospital.

Article 3: He advises us he was actually thinking of a Tom Waits song when he wrote that. Also, see (1a) above.

Please sign here, here and here to indicate you have received a response from Mister Burns and that it has addressed all your concerns. Thank you. And here. And initial here and (excuse me) ah, here, and finally here. And this is your copy, which you should retain for your records. Good day to you."

Note: None of the foregoing implies any liability on the part of Mister Burns, nor does it release the party of the second part from their obligations to the party of the first part. None of the above will be accepted as being admissible in a court of law.
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Old 03-18-2013, 05:08 PM   #275 (permalink)
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Thirdly saying I'm down in a hole, isn't that a terrible Alice in Chains song?
First of all, it's "Down In a Hole", and secondly, that's actually one of their good songs.
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The Batlord is amazing man. He loves some fine woman and he gets horny easily. What is better than that.
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Old 03-18-2013, 05:15 PM   #276 (permalink)
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First of all, it's "Down In a Hole", and secondly, that's actually one of their good songs.
Yes but I'm referring to myself being in that hole and if you think that's a good song then you're easily pleased.
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If you can't deal with the fact that there are 6+ billion people in the world and none of them think exactly the same that's not my problem. Just deal with it yourself or make actual conversation. This isn't a court and I'm not some poet or prophet that needs everything I say to be analytically critiqued.
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Old 03-18-2013, 05:32 PM   #277 (permalink)
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Yes but I'm referring to myself being in that hole and if you think that's a good song then you're easily pleased.
You like Pearl Jam. Your opinion is irrelevant.
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Old 03-18-2013, 05:36 PM   #278 (permalink)
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You like Pearl Jam. Your opinion is irrelevant.
well played.
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If you can't deal with the fact that there are 6+ billion people in the world and none of them think exactly the same that's not my problem. Just deal with it yourself or make actual conversation. This isn't a court and I'm not some poet or prophet that needs everything I say to be analytically critiqued.
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Old 03-24-2013, 07:28 PM   #279 (permalink)
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Default The Music Journals weekly update post, w/e March 24 2013

Ah-hoy hoy! (COUGH!) Still feeling a mite under the weather after last week's, ah, unfortunate incident with my ex-doctor, whose bills will NOT be getting paid, so I've been advised to take it easy for a few weeks. A hard thing to do, for a young go-getter like me, but I must bow to the wisdom of those who are somehow against all odds keeping me alive, so I'm drafting in a replacement to review your journals this week. Smithers? Ah no, my friends. Smithers has ... ah, other duties. Hmm. So you DO go mad if subjected to nonstop Hannah Montana for a week, eh? Excellent! All worthy and noble research. Now then, let's just fill out some details on the old com-pu-tat-or, shall we and see...

DAMN AND BLAST IT MAN! I can't figure this confounded thing! It won't even switch on! Pathetic! What? Plugged in? Why of course it's plugged in you --- ah. Very good, Smithers. Hmm. That plug's a little heavy, would you...? Excellent. Now, let's fire this thing up and see --- password? Smithers? Alright then, spell it if you must. I, yes, L-O-V-E-M-R-B-U ... er, never mind: I think I can guess the rest. Huzzah! Success! What the blue blazes---?

SMITHERS! I TOLD you to get RID of that screensaver! Anyway, I'm much more handsome than that. Yes, at your earliest opportunity, if you would. Thank you. Now, let's pull up the employee files and see who would be best for a job like this. So many files! Better thin them out a little. Let's see, some parameters, yes. Alright, we don't want anyone upstaging us and taking our job now do we? So how's this?

Lazy. Stupid. Fat. Useless.
That should trim down the 600 files here a little --- WHAT? SIX HUNDRED RESULTS? BAH! Better add a few more requirements. Let's see: ugly. Incompetent. Malleable. Uninformed. Ah yes, that should sort out the --- DAMN AND BLAST IT! SIX HUNDRED RESULTS!!!

Oh to hell with it: Smithers! Get Homer Simpson in here!

Now, Simspson is it? Ah, we meet at last. Now, you know what to do. Just read through their paltry scribblings and --- ARE YOU SNORING! JAB! WAKE UP MAN! That's better. Now, pay attention. Read their articles, report back on how terrible they are, and there'll be a whole box of donuts waiting for you when you --- where did he go? Bless me, I have never seen that foodbag move so quickly before! He's a virtual blur!

Right then Smithers, let's leave him to it. Time for you to change my colostomy bag. Yes, that could be unpleasant for all concerned. I may need most of your skin too...

ZZZZZZZZZZ --- WHAAA? Oh, it's NOT a dream! D'oh! WHY did Mister Burns pick me for this job? He knows I hate working: that's why I work for him. Hey, maybe I can sneak a little nap here before I --- NO, nothing Mister Burns! Working away Sir! You got it! I'm on the case!

Oh, I wish I was at home with a big bag of potato chips! Mmmmmm... potato chips. Drool! Oops, better not get any of my slobber over Mister Burns's brand new comput --- oh oh! Why is it making that sparking noise? Ohhhhh crappp! Look, maybe if I just dab it off a little ---- CRASH! Oh why does everything bad happen to me! It's fallen off the table! This is the worst thing to happen to anyone ever in history! I'm missing my bowling night for this! Mmmmm... bowls....

OK Homer! Snap out of it! This is it! Mister Burns and all these losers -- sorry, writers (heh heh! Losers!) out there are relying on you to write this review, so let's go! But I've broken the computer! How will I --- wait a minute: what's that over on the other desk? That, er, much older looking computer, with something showing on the screen --- what the hell does that say --- Mu-zik ban-tur ---- Muzik Bantur? What the hell is a --- oh. So THIS is the computer I was supposed to use. But if that's so, then what was on the one I broke ---? Plans to de-stable-eyes the world econ...? Huh?

AH I'LL TAKE THAT SIMPSON! NOTHING FOR YOU TO WORRY ABOUT! HAVE YOU WRITTEN YOUR ARTICLE YET? NO, WELL, CHOP CHOP! TIME IS WASTING! Smithers, take this OUT! WHY was it left here where anyone could ...? Yes, you'd better hope you CAN get it fixed, or you can explain to President Amindej -- AMandai --- Amindin --- that Iranian guy why he won't be getting those nuclear centrifuges! Now come on: out of here, quickly! ON YOU GO SIMPSON, NOTHING TO SEE HERE. NOTHING, you understand me my friend? Excellent. Toodles then!

Oh this is so BORING! Hey, maybe there's a Rubik cube around here somewhere. Oops, better not: Mister Burns will be back soon and I need to have this done. Alright brain: you don't like me and I don't like you, so let's just get through this and I can get back to killing you with beer, deal?

Now, how do I start this thing? Oh yeah....

Right then let's see, Mister Burns left some notes. "Do reviews alfa-bet-ic-ly"? What the hell does that mean? Ah to hell with it: I'll just do them from A to Z in order. Now let's see... A ... Hmmm. No, not seeing any As! Woo-hoo! One less I have to do! Now, what's next? What comes after A? Hmm. A-B-C... but what comes after A? Oh wait! I'm such an idiot! Of course! All I have to do is ring Lisa! She'll know! She's clever. Hello, Lisa? It's your dad. I need to ask you a question. What? Why's the baby crying? What? I can't hear you! The mailman's what? A final demand for who? Mom is where? Bart did what? Look, the line must be really bad, I can hardly hear you. No, I'm calling from work. Yeah. I need to ask you a question. What was that noise? What? Never mind. What comes after A?

What? No, AFTER A! In the alpha-thingummy, you know, that thing Bart had trouble with in school. No, not Nelson! Nelson doesn't begin with an A! Hello? Lisa? What comes after A? Bee? Oh no I don't like them: they defend themselves somehow! Hello? Hello? Lisa? Hello? Dial tone?

Shoot! She must have got cut off. I'll have to ring back... wait a minute though. A, B! B! B is next! Hah! I figured it out myself, with no help from Lisa! Thanks a lot, poindexter! OO look at me, I'm Lisa! I play a saxamaphone and I've got a brain bigger than --- er, bigger than --- um --- Lard Lad! Yeah! Pfft! Great help you were! So B is next eh? Well, let's see if there's a B. Woo-hoo! D'oh! There is! Oh well, better look at it I guess...

Some loser called the Batlord who apparently lives in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...t-schemes.html, yeah yeah, talking about some fruity sword and sorcery, harry-pottery quest. Sheesh! Don't these guys have lives? Oh wait, he has another of these jounal things, at http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lks-about.html --- boy, this guy needs a job! Anyhoo, he's talking about DNA, Mars (mmm... Mars....) Tin Huey and a bunch of other crap I couldn't care less about, but if you're as bored as him go to his journal and knock yourselves out.

http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ming-moon.html eh? I've done that on occasion, usually after being thrown out of Moe's. But this guy, they call him Big3, hmm, he's talking about French and German and languages and pop punk and someone he wants to burn down... nah, it's all beyond me. Check it out if you wanna.

Okay, that's B then. What comes after B? Better ring Lisa again. Oh, no, wait: I remember dad talking about this in one of those rambles he goes off on. Edison on the radio, reading the alphabet he said. "A" he'd say, then "B". C would usually follow..." Woo-hoo! I did it! C is next! Let's see, C, C... D'oh! No Cs! How am I supposed to get through this awful, awful OH SURE MR BURNS, I'M RIGHT ON IT! Man, I wish I was in Barney's Bowlarama. The lanes there...

Ok, ok! Let's get this done! The H Man is in the house! Yeah, I don't know what it means either: my brain sometimes throws up these odd ideas, like that time it said I should wear a seatbelt! I mean, what am I, a DORK? SO, no Cs. What IS there then in this nerdhouse? How about ... hmm, what's next? D is for Donuts. Mmmm... donuts. D, yes. Hey! Wait just a moment! I've had a great idea! Just finish this and ... heh heh! The perfect crime! OH MISTER BURNS! I'M READY!

Let's see then Simpson: great job I --- WHAT? This so-called review just says "Dese jurnalz r all terribul" and --- oh, wait a moment: I see you've written much more at the --- WHAT? You idiot! You've just written "screw Flanders" 200 times! What is this supposed to be? Get back to work immediately, before I cut off your donuts! What? No, I don't mean I'll stop your supply of sugar coated treats, you nincompoop! I mean --- ah, that is to say YES, I WILL stop your donut supply! Hah! That's scared you, hasn't it? Now back to work, post haste!

Stupid Mister Burns, threatening to stop my donut supply ... grumble grumble ... take revenge on everyone soon ... mutter mutter ... make them all sorry.... Oh well, guess there's no avoiding it. So where was I? Oh yeah, D.

Woo-hoo! D is there! So, some nerdlinger called thedon89 has decided to start a journal here, don't ask me why. What do I look like, a nerd? Anyhoo, his journal starts here under the exciting title of http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ife-music.html --- yawwn! I need a nap! Oh no! There's more!

Some guy called Goofle11 (heh heh! Goof!) is doing http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lbum-week.html and looks like this week he's doing Justin Timberlake's new album. Boo! How about some real music, like Grand Funk or the Alan Parsons Project? Whaddya mean, oldies??

In http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...er-things.html (no, not mine! I don't have one: I have a life! It belongs to some loser called Ki) there'a s review of some band called Bozo Black. Heh. Sorry, I mean BONZO Black. Meh, same difference.

Another guy called Salami (shee, all this talk about food is making me hungry. There anything to eat in this place? Urgh! Prunes? Meh, why not?) hasn't been writing in his journal for a long time (like anyone cares, dude!) but has a note about some gig he went to by some guy called Robert Cray. Right on.

Man, this guy Trollheart's all over the map! What a total loser! He has THREE journals! Bet I can picture him now, skinny pale little nerd with glasses, crouched over his computer with piles of records on one side and a plate of white rye bread (ugh) on the other, scribbling down his thoughts as if anyone gave a crap. Oh well, in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html he's got "What's in a name"? (don't ask me, I don't work here!), "Nice song -- shame about the album" (heh: should be "nice article, shame about the journal!") and a review of Al Stewart's "Time passages" --- finally, some decent seventies music! Oh yeah, and something called "The Meat Grinder" --- they're all in on it: trying to distract me with food! Mmmmm... meat.... Oh yeah, he seems to think a lot of some guy called Rory Gallagher too; startin' a whole section on him. Man, this guy is a loser!

He also runs http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-emporium.html --- I love potatoes, specially potato chips! In this he's got another rambling entry about Babylon 5, whatever that is. Not happy with all that, he's also updating http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html with an album by the Divine Comedy. Yeah? Well, I ain't laughin' pal!

Man, I'm tired after that! Maybe I'll just have a little ---- OH HELLO MISTER BURNS! NO, JUST RESTING MY EYES. Shoot. Who's left then? Unknown Soldier eh? Heh. He'll remain unknown, in this dump! His journal is called http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html and --- hmm, he's a fan of seventies hard rock. I could grow to like this guy. If he wasn't such a dork that is! Let's see what he's talkin about. Bachman-Turner Overdrive. Nazareth. Not bad, not bad.

This last guy sounds like Mr Burns' cousin! Urban Hatemonger? Well, his journal has, um, an interesting David Bowie picture. Yeah. Check here http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...nal-stuff.html. Or don't. I'm through with this; I'm off to Moe's! Just rest my eyes for a moment....

Ah, excellent, Simpson! All finished eh? WHAT! Smithers! Wake him up! How dare you fall asleep on the job man! I ought to club you and eat your bones, but I'm already in enough trouble with the Ogre Anti-defamation League as it is. I could crush you like an ant, but I'll just bide my time, let you twist in the wind, slowly, slowly, until.... SMITHERS! Wake him up! Now listen to me Simpson, you saw nothing on that other computer, you understand? In fact, there was no other computer. I don't even know who you are! Seriously Smithers: this is getting worrying! I DON'T know who he is. Simpson,eh? We meet at last. Excellent. A fine job you're doing. Now get out of here before I release the hounds!

That goes for the rest of you too! Everybody, off my property! I have an important phone call to make. Smithers, what's the dialling code for Tehran? Well, find OUT man! For the love of Peter! Do I have to do everything around here myself! Hello? NSA? CIA? FBI? You want to talk to the owner about supplying terrorist what? Aid and comfort? Me? No, no, I'm not the owner. I --- ah, I just come in occasionally to read the free newspapers. The owner? Ah (Smithers! Quickly! I need a patsy!) SIMPSON! OH SIMPSON! Blast it man, go stop him before he leaves... What do you mean, he ran into the restrooms? And who the sam hill ate all my prunes? Ah... Hello? Yes I'm still here. Er, no hablo inglese, senor. Hotdog, hotdog, I love New York, God Bless America ... SMITH-ERS!!!!!
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Old 03-31-2013, 04:26 PM   #280 (permalink)
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Default The Music Journals Weekly Update Post, w/e March 31 2013

Ah hoy-hoy! After the shocking peformance of that Homer Simpson last week I've decided to draft in someone who knows what he's talking about and who --- what? For the love of --- he just gave you a basket of chocolate ovoids and hopped away? But this is HIS day, Smithers! How could he? Oh very well then, get on the blower to the other fellow. You have? Excellent. When will he be arriving? What? Too busy? Out showing off to his friends? Oh well that's just typical of him, isn't it? Look at me! I've risen from the dead! I'm the greatest! Pah!

Very well then, you leave me no choice: call him hence! What? I don't know how --- I thought you did ---? Look, he's bound to be in the book isn't he? No? Under D? B? S? Oh for the love of Peter! Wait a moment! Doesn't he have one of those Facing Book pages? Yes, yes, excellent. Summon him via that method then.

Hmmm? He did, did he? Good. Yes, he knows I won't bankroll his wife's screenplay if he doesn't play ball. Look, here he comes...

BWA HA HA HA! GREETINGS, PUNY MORTALS! ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF! I AM KNOWN BY MANY NAMES: MEPHISTOPHELES. ABBADON. LUCIFER. BEEELZEBUB. BUT YOU CAN CALL ME ... THE DEVIL! TREMBLE AS I POUR SCORN UPON YOUR PATHETIC WRITINGS WITH MY MIGHTY

is he gone?

Ah, wonderful. I hate all that shouting and posturing, you know, but it's in the contract. People have given me such a bad rap over the millennia, and really, if they just gave me a chance and got to know me they'd realise I'm GOING TO GRIND YOUR BONES AND SPILL YOUR BLOOD gone again is he? Thanks for that warning.

As I was saying, my reputation unfortuantely precedes me. And all because of one comment. I mean, I merely mention to God that he could stand to lose a few pounds, not getting any younger you know, and it's all "GET THEE HENCE" and "BEHIND ME SATAN!" I don't know why he has to shout: like I told him, I'm the Devil not the Deaf-il! Yes, terrible joke I know but Hell doesn't exactly lend itself to humour, terrible place. And I HATE the heat. Not to mention that if I see one more pitchfork...

But I digress. I tried to calm him down, but he was having none of it. Said I could leave if I felt that way and, well, you know how it is: things said that can't be taken back, feelings hurt, hormones raging, burly angels manhandling you out of the Gates of Heaven --- we've all been there. Personally, I think he was just upset when he found out about my life choices, but you know, to thine own self be true, and all that. Can't change who you are.

That's why it's nice to be able to kick back once in a while. I have quite the interest in music --- they do call rock and roll the Devil's Music, after all! --- so this should be interesting. Let me just pop some brownies in the oven --- you like the apron, do you? People say it brings out the fire in my eyes, heh heh. You'll have me blushing next! Now, let's just settle into a comfy chair and let me get my favourite My Little Pony pen and we can begin.

Seems the thing to do is go alphabetically, so we start off with the Batlord, who this week concludes his amazingly funny and well-written, not to mention hugely entertaining, account of the defence of True Metal in a faraway land. This is the kind of thing, apparently, that happens in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...t-schemes.html --- great stuff! I'm a fan...

And he also has a second, not quite so wordy journal here where http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...lks-about.html --- doing a lot of Cleveland art rock and such at the moment; bands like Electric Eels, Tin Huey and Uncle Tupelo. May add some of them to my infernal ipod...

So we move on to Ki, who's still "flashing back" to the music of his youth in http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...er-things.html, featuring artistes like Ashley Parker Angel and Killswitch Engage: oooh! Last one too noisy for my tastes! Still, check his writing out; it's pretty solid.

Pedestrian takes a more artistic approach in her journal http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...sswalking.html, where you'll find more examples of her excellent work on "Autotune the Unicorn". Some real talent there.

And staying with P, http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ychedelia.html is the journal of PoorOldPo, who is looking at artistes as diverse as Flying Eyes and Bibio to Charles Ives. Psychedelic man!

After an absence of FOUR YEARS Brad Stengel is back with us, and he's going through his 100 top Garage/punk bands in his journal http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...rgy-sound.html. Good to have you back Brad (it says here).

Trollheart's been doing a lot of work on his various journals this week. In the main one, http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html he's continuing his tribute to Ireland's favourite son, Rory Gallagher, and reviewing albums by Al Stewart, Illusive Mind and The Black Atlantic, while also posting a musical tribute to the Easter RIsing of 1916. And other stuff is in there too, like the 200 Word Albums Review, Reasons to be Cheerful and more.

In http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...i-reviews.html he's got reviews of albums by The Enid, Eric Clapton and Air, while over at http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-emporium.html he's got the second episode of Love/Hate, and more to the point he's remembered the word "cinematic" is in the title, and reviews his first movie, "Dust Devil". Ooh! Scary! About time, too. He promises more film reviews soon.

Unknown Soldier is http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html and will be for some time, as he's only just getting through 1974 as we speak. Check his reviews of albums by UFO and Aerosmith, and watch for more soon no doubt. This man has forgotten more than you will ever know about seventies hard rock and metal!

Which leaves us with http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...nal-stuff.html, where Urban Hatemonger is worrying about Bowie in drag. Yeah, I'm serious. Head to his journal and all will be revealed.

It's really quite amazing how you people manage to write such wonderful material. I wish I could write like that, but of course Down There you can't use pens, they melt and the paper burns. So it's nice to get a chance to SPIT ON YOUR CARCASSES AND REND YOU LIMB FROM LIMB IF YOU DON'T SHAPE UP PRETTY DAMN FAST! YOU WOULDN'T WANT ME TO COME BACK AGAIN, NOW WOULD YOU? HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! (Ciao! let's do lunch sometime!)

Ah yes, wonderful, Satan, thank you so much. In your debt as ever. What? My soul? Why I believe you already own that ... Smithers' soul? Why yes I think that could be arranged. SMITHERS! Go with the Devil. Don't argue, just do it! And as for you people, I want to see much better writing next week or by thunder you'll have me to answer to! STOP stuffing those chocolate eggs in your mouths and LISTEN to me!

They are? Why, so they are. Just like the ones that Easter Bunny left -- well, couldn't hurt I suppose. MMMFFF! My goodness, these ARE tasty! Er, that's all for this week, see you all next week.
Toodles.

Note: There is no proof to support the statement that Smithers and Satan were seen entering a well-known gay hotspot, arm-in-arm, and any talk of a job offered to Smithers has been denied by the Burns Corporation as a baseless rumour, put about by his business rivals with the express intention of driving down his share prices.
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