Quote:
Originally Posted by WhateverDude
It's always difficult figuring out how to respond to a catharsis like what you just shared but you're a cool friend so I'll do muh bestest. I don't know too much about what's goin on in your life but what little I do know tells me you've had a very tough year (or maybe few years). It sounds like you're making the right decisions by seeing a psychiatrist and seeking company. And (in my experience, anyways) sometimes a little self-destructive behavior can expedite things. Sort of like rushing through all the negative feelings as opposed to drudging through them. But it's pretty easy to get carried away... so, you know, don't do that. Because we're all here for ya man and it would suck to see ya take darker paths, deceptively appealing as they might be. Getting to a more positive place in life takes work. Sometimes lots of it. You've got coworkers- friends, family, etc and we're all here for ya to make sure the job ain't too tough on ya.
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I know you guys are here for me. The dozen or so close friend I've accumulated here wouldn't be traded for anything in the world. I don't mean to scare people. I really mean it when I say I have no plans on killing myself. Like I said, I just kind of want to be dead. The ironic thing is that I'm not going to get what I want because I know I could never do that to myself. I'd make a sh*t load of people depressed in my wake. I'd destroy my family, which is not doing well as it is. Like, I'm just tired of all the bull****. Like, this is my last two years...
- Grandfather died. We were close.
- Mom gets cancer. She survived it but my f*cking mother got cancer.
- Only girl I ever loved broke up with me.
- My brother becomes a heroin addict.
- My brother robs a gas station with a machete and goes to jail for three months
- My brother is on drug court and if he fails a drug test he goes to jail for five years.
- My dad has developed crippling depression.
- My grandmother ets arrested and kicked out of her home because her partner's kids hated her and wanted to keep all of his posessions after he died. He had cancer.
- I moved and now have immense finanncial billage.
- I left a job I loved for more pay and now I hate it. I spend every single day alone.
- I'm literally forgetting a million other horrible things that happened.
Like....I'm just f*cking spent.