I tend to believe songwriters try to produce songs that are potential in commerce. I think making two songs out of those lyrics would be better than one long song. This has potential, but it needs some corrections and some order. Pretty much it is about personal preference, but mostly this is to be separated into two songs and re-arranged then just keeping it 7-10 minute song or a fast-sung song (as the lyrics are more fit for either slow-bit rap or slow rock ballads/songs).
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