Secret communique re: file IAC/BN/PJAS5012-77/9 alpha.
CONFIDENTIAL --- EYES ONLY
Date: 6/14/15
From: Agent Orange
(Note: check on recent request for codename change, submitted 5/30/15)
To: Director General CIA
CC: Director FBI, Joint Chiefs of Staff, Office of the Secretary of Defense, DH
Subject: Progress report on “Project Red Book”
Note: List of words and phrases to be redacted after reading to be found in appendix C, attached
1845 hours
There has long been held a belief in the highest echelons of power that a secret black operation with total plausible deniability has been in progress on the internet, disguised and hidden under the careful subterfuge of casual discussion. This report will reveal some shocking truths about what is really going on behind the closed doors of the location known on the internet as Music Banter, and known by the codename of Project Red Book, an ultra-secret operation so shrouded in mystery and with so many levels of encryption that not even our very best analysts (
note: heh, anal!) have been able to decipher its meaning. It is my hope that I may be able to infiltrate this secret society and learn exactly what takes place there, and assess the potential threat to national security.
1855 hours
I begin in an odd location codenamed
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...continuum.html, a worrying title when you discover that the words
aux-in in ancient Sanskrit mean “Death to America”. Or possibly “Hand over that ice cream, I am a terrorist and it is a damn hot day” --- opinion differ. At the moment we can determine that this potential threat to our freedom is in communication with the Russians, perhaps even Putin, as he mentions a “Russian car-crash video”, which is of course KGB code for “Kill all Americans.” Or possibly “I wish to purchase that burger with cheese but no pickles. God help you if I find a pickle.” Stellamara, which he tries to pretend is an EDM band (Extreme Danger to Muricans, we assume that stands for) must surely be the codename for his contact, whom we hope to find and arrest in due course. Be vigilant!
Moving on, we find another terrorist, who goes by the name of
Chascoso (we assume this to be an acronym for
Communists
Hate
America;
Soviet
Covert
Operation
Still in
Operation. A sleeper, in other words. This Chascoso has a devilish plan, it would appear, to turn Americans into Drones by the use of the secret MUSE (Metamorphosis Ultra- Secret Experiment) which we are aware they are running. This man is dangerous. Recommend caution. His location is contained in this encoded link:
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-journal.html
However, dangerous as the Chascoso person may be, the one who goes under the codename of
Exo is indeed a terrorist with a dire agenda. He is promoting the use of drugs, specifically one known to cause adverse hallucinations and open a gateway to another dimension which only the CIA are aware of and which is being guarded by three large aliens at the Roswell Base
(important note: ALL OF THIS SENTENCE IS TO BE REDACTED. URGENCY LEVEL RED ALPHA) in his so-called
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...s-musings.html. Do NOT approach this man; he has access to knowledge whcih nobody outside of the very top levels of the US Government should be allowed to.
But nothing grinds my gears more than one of our own getting involved in this heinous plan to bring down this great country I am proud to call America. I am sad to have to report that a former Military Policeman, who goes by the innocuous name of
Fiddler, has been disseminating government records and secrets, and advising the general public about police
modus operandi.
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...es-patrol.html tells you all you need to know. We will have a special talk with him when we pick him up.
I am watching closely
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...nnerspace.html but at the moment there appears to be nothing more sinister going on there than a wedding, or at least an engagement. I would like, on behalf of several government agencies that officially do not exist, to add my own congratulations. Well done, American Citizen!
A relatively new recruit to this conspiracy is
joenorwood77, where
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...band-week.html features Faith No More. Not very Christian of you, citizen!
Codename
Ki looks to be only interested in playing video games. Get a job, citizen! This stuff rots your brain and makes you start thinking like a socialist! As examples,
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...is-arcade.html is currently into the second week of “Star Wars Video Game Month”, and he is looking at old school Star Wars games like
Rogue Leader, Racer Revenge and
Rebel Strike. Also character spotlight, more planets as well as vehicles and a tribute to the recently passed away Sir Christopher Lee.
Another one flirting with chemical substance abuse is
Mondo Bungle. His ramblings about clouds in the appropriately-titled
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...istortion.html make for worrying reading.
And a shower of long-haired weirdos, Pearl Jam are on the menu when
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...a-yas-out.html. Kids these days!
What's wrong with Sinatra?
(REDACT)
A cautionary tale of why you kids should not listen to loud music in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...listening.html. We also revoked his credit card.
(REDACT)
A seemingly innocent list of albums in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ar-1965-a.html shows some worrying subversive traits: Mew, DANGERDOOM, Wax Tailor, Venetian Snares – none of these sound like the sort of music I would want my children to be listening to...
A bunch of hippies whining about global warming, false gods and future lawmen? This
Trollheart one is going straight to Guantanamo!
(REDACT) In
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-journal.html there is a review of Marillion's
Seasons End under the again subversive and suspicious title of “A new dawn?”, while god-who-never-existed-as-there-is-only-one-God-and-He-is-American-not-Indian Rama is the subject of
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...gy-legend.html and in the future, New York city (and indeed the whole landmass of America) is one big city? So he says anyway in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...d-2000-ad.html. I don't think there's any hope left for this one.
Loud music, screaming guitars and anti-establishment lyrics: just three of the ingredients that make
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html a suitable candidate for covert surveillance, with the suitable Satanic-sounding Helix, which surely no true American would think of listening to! He has also somehow trained an insectivore to assist him in his other venture,
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...78-2015-a.html where he's expounding on the merits of
Falling in between. I said it before, I'll say it again, people: Sinatra.
(PLEASE REDACT)
1928 hrs: I have successfully planted surveillance devices throughout these installations and will liaise with the NSA as agreed. Report ends.
Sealed for the eyes only of addressees above.
This report does not officially exist, and neither do I.
Agent Orange.