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Old 06-14-2015, 02:58 PM   #711 (permalink)
Nobody likes my music
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Default The Music Banter Members Journals Weekly Update Thread, week-ending June 14 2015

Secret communique re: file IAC/BN/PJAS5012-77/9 alpha.

Date: 6/14/15
From: Agent Orange (Note: check on recent request for codename change, submitted 5/30/15)
To: Director General CIA
CC: Director FBI, Joint Chiefs of Staff, Office of the Secretary of Defense, DH

Subject: Progress report on “Project Red Book”

Note: List of words and phrases to be redacted after reading to be found in appendix C, attached

1845 hours

There has long been held a belief in the highest echelons of power that a secret black operation with total plausible deniability has been in progress on the internet, disguised and hidden under the careful subterfuge of casual discussion. This report will reveal some shocking truths about what is really going on behind the closed doors of the location known on the internet as Music Banter, and known by the codename of Project Red Book, an ultra-secret operation so shrouded in mystery and with so many levels of encryption that not even our very best analysts (note: heh, anal!) have been able to decipher its meaning. It is my hope that I may be able to infiltrate this secret society and learn exactly what takes place there, and assess the potential threat to national security.

1855 hours

I begin in an odd location codenamed, a worrying title when you discover that the words aux-in in ancient Sanskrit mean “Death to America”. Or possibly “Hand over that ice cream, I am a terrorist and it is a damn hot day” --- opinion differ. At the moment we can determine that this potential threat to our freedom is in communication with the Russians, perhaps even Putin, as he mentions a “Russian car-crash video”, which is of course KGB code for “Kill all Americans.” Or possibly “I wish to purchase that burger with cheese but no pickles. God help you if I find a pickle.” Stellamara, which he tries to pretend is an EDM band (Extreme Danger to Muricans, we assume that stands for) must surely be the codename for his contact, whom we hope to find and arrest in due course. Be vigilant!

Moving on, we find another terrorist, who goes by the name of Chascoso (we assume this to be an acronym for Communists Hate America; Soviet Covert Operation Still in Operation. A sleeper, in other words. This Chascoso has a devilish plan, it would appear, to turn Americans into Drones by the use of the secret MUSE (Metamorphosis Ultra- Secret Experiment) which we are aware they are running. This man is dangerous. Recommend caution. His location is contained in this encoded link:

However, dangerous as the Chascoso person may be, the one who goes under the codename of Exo is indeed a terrorist with a dire agenda. He is promoting the use of drugs, specifically one known to cause adverse hallucinations and open a gateway to another dimension which only the CIA are aware of and which is being guarded by three large aliens at the Roswell Base (important note: ALL OF THIS SENTENCE IS TO BE REDACTED. URGENCY LEVEL RED ALPHA) in his so-called Do NOT approach this man; he has access to knowledge whcih nobody outside of the very top levels of the US Government should be allowed to.

But nothing grinds my gears more than one of our own getting involved in this heinous plan to bring down this great country I am proud to call America. I am sad to have to report that a former Military Policeman, who goes by the innocuous name of Fiddler, has been disseminating government records and secrets, and advising the general public about police modus operandi. tells you all you need to know. We will have a special talk with him when we pick him up.

I am watching closely but at the moment there appears to be nothing more sinister going on there than a wedding, or at least an engagement. I would like, on behalf of several government agencies that officially do not exist, to add my own congratulations. Well done, American Citizen!

A relatively new recruit to this conspiracy is joenorwood77, where features Faith No More. Not very Christian of you, citizen!

Codename Ki looks to be only interested in playing video games. Get a job, citizen! This stuff rots your brain and makes you start thinking like a socialist! As examples, is currently into the second week of “Star Wars Video Game Month”, and he is looking at old school Star Wars games like Rogue Leader, Racer Revenge and Rebel Strike. Also character spotlight, more planets as well as vehicles and a tribute to the recently passed away Sir Christopher Lee.

Another one flirting with chemical substance abuse is Mondo Bungle. His ramblings about clouds in the appropriately-titled make for worrying reading.

And a shower of long-haired weirdos, Pearl Jam are on the menu when Kids these days! What's wrong with Sinatra? (REDACT)

A cautionary tale of why you kids should not listen to loud music in We also revoked his credit card. (REDACT)

A seemingly innocent list of albums in shows some worrying subversive traits: Mew, DANGERDOOM, Wax Tailor, Venetian Snares – none of these sound like the sort of music I would want my children to be listening to...

A bunch of hippies whining about global warming, false gods and future lawmen? This Trollheart one is going straight to Guantanamo! (REDACT) In there is a review of Marillion's Seasons End under the again subversive and suspicious title of “A new dawn?”, while god-who-never-existed-as-there-is-only-one-God-and-He-is-American-not-Indian Rama is the subject of and in the future, New York city (and indeed the whole landmass of America) is one big city? So he says anyway in I don't think there's any hope left for this one.

Loud music, screaming guitars and anti-establishment lyrics: just three of the ingredients that make a suitable candidate for covert surveillance, with the suitable Satanic-sounding Helix, which surely no true American would think of listening to! He has also somehow trained an insectivore to assist him in his other venture, where he's expounding on the merits of Falling in between. I said it before, I'll say it again, people: Sinatra. (PLEASE REDACT)

1928 hrs: I have successfully planted surveillance devices throughout these installations and will liaise with the NSA as agreed. Report ends.

Sealed for the eyes only of addressees above.
This report does not officially exist, and neither do I.
Agent Orange.
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Old 06-14-2015, 03:24 PM   #712 (permalink)
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Quite possibly the best update you've ever done. Very creative.

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Old 06-14-2015, 03:45 PM   #713 (permalink)
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The only reason I do a journal is to get a Shout out in this thread. Thanks Trollheart.
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Old 06-14-2015, 04:55 PM   #714 (permalink)
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At ease, Agent Orange, all is well and under control. We'll let you know when your services are needed again.

Very creative dude.
Every being is intelligent. But if you measure a fish's intelligence on it's ability to climb a tree, it will live forever thinking it's stupid.
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Old 06-14-2015, 04:58 PM   #715 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Ki View Post
Quite possibly the best update you've ever done. Very creative.
Thanks man. I just came up with the idea an hour or so before writing it. I like to try to do something a little different if I can get the time.
Originally Posted by Moss View Post
The only reason I do a journal is to get a Shout out in this thread. Thanks Trollheart.
You're welcome citizen. But try listening to some less subversive and more American bands. You're headed on a bad path...
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Old 06-21-2015, 11:22 AM   #716 (permalink)
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Default The Music Banter Members Journals Weekly Update Thread, week-ending June 21 2015

Okay, now that the CIA have released me (that was NOT a fun week!) and agreed that Journaltown is not after all a threat to World (ie American) security and we've been taken off their watchlist, it's time to get back to the proper business of advising you all what's been happening around these parts. Also, does anyone know how to effectively remove an anal probe? I'm just asking...

Aux-in is first up again as he explores Mt. Eden in while

Black Francis is more interested in games like Ico and Shadow of the Colossus in

Fall in! Stand up straight and listen to --- I'm serious! This man has a taser and he knows how to use it! More tales from the beat courtesy of our favourite copper here on MB (yes, our only copper: your point?) with this week the story of the charging woman, trips to the PX and of course, fun with tasers...

It's now a case of who will finish first, as hits 2010, with albums from Kno, Igorr, Sufjan Stevens and my new favourites Kiss the Anus of a Black Cat, to name but four.

Recovered from the (very positive I'm sure) effects of becoming engaged, innerspaceboy is checking out The Orb, KLF, Funky synth music from the seventies and Elliott Smith too in

“Star Wars Video Game Month” (or SWVGM, as we like to call it around here – what? Some of us do. Well, one of us does.) is in full swing down in, where he's talking about the freedom of choice in SW games, counting down the top ten weapons used, older Star Wars games he hasn't installed on his computer, and more. Much more. Well, some more. Look, let's just move on, shall we? has Machine talking about two albums I don't like at all, one being TMR, then there's that one from Ought that Ant likes so much, plus more, and added rambling too.

Since this update began --- nay, since journals began! --- we have searched in vain for a user with a Q in his or her username to fill up the space always vaulted over as we talk about letters like O, P and to a lesser extent N. But now, finally, after literally years of waiting, that day has dawned! Qwertyy (who also has the easiest username to type ever!) starts where he's (?) kicking off by looking into Grime, and specifically Dizzee Rascal.

And after my experiences at the hands of those who protect our freedom, I've managed the odd update myself. So in there's a new “More than words”, while in the absence of Urban we're getting back to my coverage of Doctor Who in Dredd continues his early adventures in and there are albums from ASIWYFA and Robbie Williams in

Finally, 1985 has rolled around in as Unknown Soldier reviews Anthrax's spreading the disease.

All right then, let's restore some normality around here! Time for my

This one gets it because of the phrase “pissy funeral director”, and also because it's quite moving in a gruff, punching-on-the-shoulder-shake-hands-but-don't-hold-for-more-than-two-seconds kind of way...
Originally Posted by fiddler View Post
Fall in grunts and act like you know what a straight line looks like!

I love going to the PX because people are parked on the sidewalk. What kind of driver's license you have that allows you to park on the sidewalk like a straight up idiot? Let alone the sign that says otherwise. Had two cars and a van towed. The owner of the van comes out and of course gets ticked off. Sorry lady! Go pay the $50 to get your car out of the wrecker service's lot because you can't read/choose not to.

Had to go to a local cemetery and deal with a pissy funeral director moving the casket of a soldier. Apparently there were about 12 plots which had become so eroded that the caskets were in danger of falling into the river. Any time you disturb a service member's final resting place, you have to have an Honor Guard detail and an MP or two. The director was quite annoyed that his schedule was delayed half an hour waiting on the Honor Guard detail. I may or may not have dropped a line to my Sheriff's Deputy buddy about the expired tags on the hearse. May or may not have.

And of course with the heat wave, we've had people being treated for dehydration by the Medics left and right. Well when a Medic has to treat you for the same thing twice in a week, they're required to take you to the hospital and get you checked out to make sure everything is okay. I got called because this situation came up and the Soldier basically refused to go to the hospital. I told him he could go willingly with the Medics or I could put him into handcuffs and take him myself. He took the Medics.

Alright drop and bang out 10 and get lost!
As for

this really has to go to innerspaceboy for all his work on his journal Ki has done a hell of a lot of work too, but add in the fact that isb has just got engaged and that's a lot of work to be putting out in the face of such a momentous decision.

has been officially retired. I don't have the time for it any more and I've kind of lost interest. It was a good idea for a while but now it's got to the point of being more work than it's worth, so we won't be featuring it any more.

And that's the end of our Midsummer Night update. Watch out for elves and pixies down the bottom (hah!) of the garden tonight (Frownland, you can ignore that: you probably see them every night!) and while we're on the subject, Batty, don't capture them: they don't have pots of gold. That's leprechauns...

Till next week

No, really: does anyone know how to safely remove an anal probe? This thing is sore!
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Old 06-21-2015, 11:41 AM   #717 (permalink)
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DO NOT attempt to remove that anal probe, if you do they'll just stick another one in there!

Also my journal is super lonely and needs someone to comment on The Last Guardian! am i the only hyped up for that game?
"Hey Kids you got to meet the MIGHTY PIXIES!"
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Old 06-21-2015, 03:39 PM   #718 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Trollheart View Post
Since this update began --- nay, since journals began! --- we have searched in vain for a user with a Q in his or her username to fill up the space always vaulted over as we talk about letters like O, P and to a lesser extent N. But now, finally, after literally years of waiting, that day has dawned! Qwertyy (who also has the easiest username to type ever!) starts where he's (?) kicking off by looking into Grime, and specifically Dizzee Rascal.
My first inclusion in the weekly update thread already, what an honor TH. Also I figured it was about time the letter Q had some representation around journaltown, vastly underrated letter if I do say so.
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Old 06-28-2015, 01:18 PM   #719 (permalink)
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Default The Music Banter Members Journals Weekly Update Thread, week-ending June 28 2015

Ah hoy hoy! Yes, it's your old pal, Charles Montgomery Burns, back again. That Trollheart fellow is so busy these days with his “Hate or Hate” --- oh, do excuse me, these dentures you understand! “Love or hate” of course I meant to say (no I bloody didn't!) thread that he asked me to step in and steady the ship for him while he's otherwise engaged. What? No no, that was like that when we got here, wasn't it Smithers? How dare you suggest I would have my flunky jemmy the --- Smithers! Where have you ---- ah, yes; no doubt he's gone to alert my team of overpriced lawyers. We'll see who has the last laugh then, eh my friend? Why, I'll crush you like this – uumpph! --- like his --- ruuuughhh! --- paper --- aaarrrrggg THERE! I knew I could do it! Like this paper cup! Ooh, I feel all faint; I had better sit down.

Now, let's see if we can make sense of this laughable excuse for an office --- dear god man! How does this fellow ever get anything done? Look at this! Scraps of paper, lyric sheets, posters held on with chewing gum, mangy dog staggering around vainly looking for somewhere to die! What's this? Appears to be a crude drawing of a stick figure with a cowboy hat, with the words TROLLHART crayoned in underneath. How jolly! Must be drawn by his nephew or niece or --- noooo actually now I look at it, that's his own writing. Well. Let's say no more about that.

First things first. Smithers! Smith-ers! Where are you? Ah, about time! Clear this desk for me will you? NO I DIDN'T MEAN JUST --- well, you know, actually that's probably for the best. Oh, and remove that revolting pictogram of that Antipodean temptress, will you? Kylie Minogue indeed! Does he not think he's a little old for --- anyway, I digress. Where was I? Oh yes. I'm in charge now, for the next few weeks anyway, and things are going to be run VERY differently here. You people will need to shape up or ship out. I will NOT have mediocre entries in poor journals, do you hear me!

So what have we got to work with? Dear lord. Well I suppose beggars can't be choosers ... what a silly phrase. Of course they can. They can choose to get a job or be street bums. Still, I bet when they're fishing for food in those disgusting dumpsters they don't find anything as repugnant s this pile of ---

ah hoy hoy? Ah, Trollheart! Yes, yes, just about to ... your cowboy picture? Oh dear. I mean, yes yes, everything is just where you left it (Smithers! Get that picture dried out now! I don't care if the crayon has run! Rewrite it! He'll never know the) absolutely, yes, indeed. A wonderful crop, as you say, and deserving of the highest .... what's that Smithers? Urgent journal business? I'll be right there. Sorry Trollheart, must dash. You take it easy and we'll see you in a few weeks. Broken lock? I know nothing about that, I'm afraid. Perhaps you can take it up with security when you ... yes Smithers I'm COMING! Sorry, must go. See you soon! Toodles! Idiot What? The receiver isn't fully ... oh damn and blast! Sorry about that, Sir. Crossed lines. Yes, yes, of course. Goodbye.

Right, now that that's over, time to get this carnival upon the thoroughfare! Smithers, the instructions. Yes, I know they're in my pocket. Fetch them for me, would you? Yes I know, but you're closer. Thank you. Now, let's see: Boot up computer. Easily done.


What the blue blazes ---? Smithers, why is the computing machine on the ground? Yes, I KNOW I kicked it: I was following Trollheart's instructions to the let --- eh? Really? Well now why couldn't he just say “turn on the computer”? Honestly! Yes, up here --- put your back into it man! Careful! No, not there! Here! No, two inches to the right I think. No, to the left. No, back. There will be fine. Now, what's next? Log on? Where in the name of the Sam Hill am I supposed to get a ---? Smithers, run down to the nearest logging camp and --- what? Now that's just silly. What's with all this complicated jargon? Ah! Now for THIS I have brought a cat. What? Well look at the notes: Use the mouse. First, we must catch it, no? You don't say? I don't know: anyone would think this wasn't the seventeenth century! What? Really? How time does fly when one is lying in one's coffin...

All right, then: let's see what ... huzzah! Success! Now, let's see which one of you chair moisteners are up first. Ah! The mighty Batlord! Aren't we ducking him? Doesn't his wife have a screenplay? No? Different person eh? Excellent! he self-importantly proclaims, as he discusses the minutiae of comical periodicals. Ah yes, I remember reading Mutt and Jeff and Andy Capp as a youth, and that delightful cat, Garfield. But wait! He has none of these icons in his so-called journal? Who has he got then? Quicksilver? The Flash? Doctor Doom? Magneto? Never heard of any of these. And he has them all fighting hypothetical battles. I truly don't get the youth of today. Well, if it's your thing I suppose...

Video games are more the style of Black Francis (are you sure he hasn't got a wife who has a .... no, no, okay. Mistaken identity again I suppose) who is looking into more Shadow of the Colossus and Grand Theft Auto in Ah, excellent! I remember good old Donkey Kong! Now THERE was someone who could get a job done! If only I could have employed a hundred of those monkeys, instead of the useless apes I have slaving, er, working for me now... ah well.

I see we have a representative of the law here. Good, good! I hope you're still arresting all those blacks --- what? Oh now really! I can't even say the word? Since when? Niggle, niggle, niggle, that's you Smithers. Oh very well. Arrest them for what, you ask? Oh, I'm sure you'll think of something during the long, bumpy, un-airconditioned ride across the Transvaal to ... ah, sorry: got a bit confused there. But I don't know why we waste all our money on putting these (what is the accepted term, Smithers? Ah...) "gentlemen of colour" in prison. Waste of --- what? I own how many shares in America's prisons? Ah. Yes, yes, fine institutions, keep them full and busy! What has Officer Fiddler (sounds a little like an embezzler to me. Watch this one, Smithers!) been up to on Hmm. Seems he's getting all (oh dear!) HOT UNDER THE COLLAR about people driving in the heat! Oh lordy Smithers! I should be at the Vaudeville! (Ah, what a delightful little laughing face. I really am quite adept at these computers, aren't I?)

“How music got free?” When did this happen? I have shares in almost every major record store in --- hmm. Seems the tale is related in, as well as nu-jazz (whatever the devil that is!) and “A taste of Fresh Aire”? “Grand Unified Theory of Contemporary Music”? “Slow music for fast times?” Bah! I'm not reading all that! I suggest you go to innerspaceboy's journal, if you desire more information.

Another one wasting his time pushing buttons and twiddling knobs when he could be on a starvation wage at my factory pushing buttons and twiddling knobs is a man who is so poor he can only afford two letters in his name! Yes, Ki is bringing Star Wars Video Game Month to a close, with a look at Star Wars Battlefield. Front. Field. Who the blue blazes cares? If you do, join him in And while you're at it, get those sideburns shaved!

Our friend Mondo Bungle (where do they get these names??) is going on a road trip and will be detailing his adventures in, so stay tuned.

Oriphiel (another one!) meanwhile is writing the latest chapter to You're not reading it? No, me neither. These cataracts, you see...

A man who really thought hard when deciding what to call himself, qwertyy is exploring grime (he could be a janitor in my factory if he wants to do that!) with another person who can't afford a full name, the oddly-named Jme in

As you all know by now, I am here because Trollheart is very busy with this other thread of his, and as a result has been a bit of a slugabed with his journals. There is however new material in where he's starting off 1969 and looking into the debut album from Genesis. Pah! He may know what he likes, but so do I, and it isn't “pro-gressive rock”...

Sixteen years ahead of him, Unknown Soldier is still with albums from Dio and Savatage as he tackles 1985, while he and an insectivore appear to be collaborating in where they're looking at [ui]Toto XIV[/i]. Indeed. I seem to recall their off-key caterwauling on the Ed Sullivan show. Or was that the Beatles? What's the difference?

Oh, and nice to see you, Wpnfire! Think this is a job where you can just turn up when you please do you? Let me tell you, sonny boy, things are changing around here! I want a decent entry from you at least once a week, or I'll find someone who can do the job! Stronghold? Summoning? Pah! You'll have to do a lot better than that in if you want to keep drawing a paycheck young fella me lad!

And that goes for the rest of you too! This excuse for a journal section is nothing short of laughable! You're supposed to update regularly, not when you feel like it! I want proper work, people, or heads are going to roll! Do you hear me? There's a new sheriff in town and ... what IS IT Smithers? Why are you on one knee? Something wrong with your back? Oh I know the feeling, my friend. I ... what? Same sex marriage was legalised in the USA this week? What has that to do with ... oh. I ... see. Well, this is very sudden, Smithers. Why don't you give me some time to think it over? Oh yes, I'll have your answer, don't you worry. I won't leave you waiting.

Hello? Sicilian Mafia? This is Mister B. Yes, you remember. Well, I just may have a contract for you...

Oh, dear me! Didn't see you people still there! Do you mind? This is a private call! Now, off you go and let's see some proper work next week, or you'll all be learning what it's like to live on welfare!
No, not you, Don Gasconi! I was talking...

Till next week,
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Old 07-05-2015, 03:09 PM   #720 (permalink)
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Default The Music Banter Members Journals Weekly Update Thread, week-ending July 5 201

All right then, Mister Burns has been sent packing (What? You can't do this to me! Don't you know who I am? I'm Charles Montgomery ---) Yeah, don't know what I was thinking, letting him loose in here. Anyway things should be getting back a little to normal now, but first, an announcement.

Everyone destroy your journals and give up, because the journal to end all journals began this week, and nobody can compete with it. No, I'm not talking about my soon-to-be-released “Seventeen thousand reasons why I love Marillion and why you're an idiot if you don't” --- this is even better, and it's all thanks to a man who seldom writes anything here, but he's been hiding his light under a bushel and now we can all see what an incredible talent he has, both for writing and for comedy. Yes, people, the hilariously spot-on opened its doors this week, and Music Banter will never be the same again. Read more about it below, but for now, take a bow, YorkeDaddy, Journal Scribe Extraordinaire!

And so, to the update: we open with the return of Antonio, who is talking about Fetty Wap (no it's not a contagious disease, so far as I know!) in

Keeping the tradition of the late departed Urban alive, and goes hip-deep into the Billboard Hot 100! Will he survive? Will it suck him under? Will he suck it off? Will he, it or both just suck? And how did he get past security, anyway? Don't they have his photo, fingerprints and DNA on file? Head his way to find out. He's not finished there though, as you can also where he's still pitching unlikely battles between superheroes. Captain America and Green ... Canary ... something, I don't know. You know what he's like...

Black Francis is remembering Blood Omen: Legacy of Kain in

More of where it's damn Texas hot and his dog is a bone(a) fide hero!

Another of the from Freebase Dali; this one's called “Lapse”

while innerspaceboy is checking out “Finnegan's Wake” in and also performing a Lazarus-like resurrection on his Zen X-fi! Yay!

In the wake of the awesome “Star Wars Video Game Month”, Ki is checking out some Steam releases in, like Elder Scrolls IV, Fallout 3 and Braid, to name but three. Also, there's a new mod on the prowl and he's after your expletives. Just fucking warning yaz...

Machine is doing some reviews in a sort of “Love or Hate?” style in and all I can say is, well, his view of D'Angelo and mine differ widely. He also reviews Ki's favourites, Pg.Lost. has hits chapter sixteen, and there's also a side story to keep you entertained

while we welcome back after what seems years the one and only Pedestrian (though she's now changed her name to Paedantic Bastard, which I think used to be her usertitle) and in she's telling us all about the “joys” (heavy on the sarcasm there!) of camping! It's been way too long!

And returning to, Pet_Sounds has another of his favourite Beatles tunes, in “Wait”. continues with electronica (Baths), Death Metal (Asphyx) and (shudder) Grindcore (Wormrot)

Just the one entry from me this week, and it's in where the whole journal is being taken over again by a discography, this time Marillion. We're kicking off with Fugazi, so if prog rock is your thing, check us out. If not, be warned: this will go on for some time! reaches no. 17 for 1985 with Iron Angel (who?)

And that brings us to THE Journal, as mentioned above. YorkeDaddy has struck gold, and in he's taking us all on a journey to a place of wonder, adventure and ... wonder (Red Dwarf in-joke; if you didn't get it, suck it). Hear all about why JWB can ony use lowercase keys! See the mighty Janszoon refuse to help the quest! Watch the sparks fly between Batty and Frownland! And if you act now, you can collect your free tickets to A Family Sleeping Peacefully Except For The Father Who Snores Occasionally. It's the new stage sensation!

Seriously: you need to check this out. It will become the Journal of the Year, nay the Decade. Be in on the ground floor, so that in years to come you can look back and proudly tell your grandchildren, yes, I was there!

Although there have been some very good posts this week (I considered submissions from Ki, Innerspaceboy, Batty and Fiddler) there really is no other possible winner. Here then, is the opening chapter to YD's fantasy epic, long may it run. For anyone who has not yet read it, this is what you're in danger of missing....

Originally Posted by YorkeDaddy View Post
Chapter One: Assembly

It's a cold, stormy night. The Ye Olde Pub of Chula was packed as always with patrons flooding in from all around for a pint and fun times...

Christophe: ...and that's why A Man Doing Calisthenics Whilst Wearing a Toga That's a Size or Two Too Small is the greatest stage performance of all-time.

Droltab: Do you even hear yourself sometimes?

Christophe: Look, we've had this discussion before. Let's just agree to disagree, alright?

Droltab: I've been trying to see things your way. I even attended a production of A Man With No Arms Playing a Glockenspiel With His Feet the other night. I just don't see what's so special about any of it. I'd much rather go see Three Large-Breasted Women Playing Hopscotch.

Christophe: That show is just too standard for me. We need to be pushing boundaries, not rolling with the status quo. Take my most recent directing venture: A Family Sleeping Peacefully Except For the Father Who Snores Occasionally. Now that's real entertainment!

Droltab: I hate everything you stand for.

Just then, the doors of the pub flew wide open. A cloaked man stood in the doorway menacingly, except it was raining so hard that he honestly looked quite silly. The entire pub quieted to a faint whisper as the man walked inside.

?????: I have an important announcement to make. King Hatemonchan of Music Banterus...has been slain in the heat of battle.

A collective gasp sounded throughout the pub. Hushed conversation ensued throughout the building as no one knew how to take the news.

Droltab: And just who the hell are you? Where did you get this information?

The man removed his cloak, revealing a powerful, chiseled face and flowing hair that somehow managed to stay flowing despite there being no wind inside this building.

Ki: I go by the name of Ki. I am of high nobility and very, very handsome. I am here for Lord Christophe von Frowninghymen VII.

Christophe: That is I. What is it you need me for?

Ki: That is to remain top secret. You must come with me to the Castle of Music Banterus.


Meanwhile, just outside the halls of the Castle of Music Banterus, a book club meeting is underway...

Yorkius: Hello everybody, nice to see you here today. I'm happy to announce that we have a new member! Give a warm welcome to Innerboy Space!

Gloofe: It's very nice to meet you. What kind of books are you into?

Innerboy: Oh, you know, the regulars. Classical Contemporary 14th Decade Nigerian Snakebound Metaphysical Nonfiction with a hint of Stephen King. I have a collection of over 4,625,094,693 books of this genre, would you like some recommendations?

Yorkius: Well uh, let's stick with what we've all read for this meeting. So what did everyone think of Metal Machine Sentences? How about you, Lee Harvey Oswald?

Lee: something something beef something something my-shift-key-is-always-broken something

Yorkius: Fascinating. You really have a way with words

Gloofe: Well Metal Machine Sentences was the fortieth book I read yesterday, and just so you know all were different genres, but also just so you know I thought it was totally rad.

Yorkius: Interesting. I really didn't like Metal Machine Sentences, and I find it strange that our opinions differed so much on last week's read, To Hustle a Moth, but oh well.

Just then, a large cloud of smoke appeared a few feet away from the club members. When the smoke cleared there stood a short man in long, gray robes. He held a large staff and a "I <3 Marillion" button on his left breast. In a booming voice he pronounced:

?????: I come bearing dramatic news that you all really need to hear!

Yorkius: Stop being so mysterious, Trolldalf. I think everyone here knows you.

Trolldalf: Ah, right. Anyway, King Hatemonchan is dead!

Yorkius: What?! That's absurd! How could that happen?

Trolldalf: He was battling the evil army, Le Spambots of Doom, and he was unfortunately overcome by their never-ending forces. He fought until his last breath.

Gloofe: So what do we do now?

Trolldalf: That's why I've come to you and Yorkius. We must convene within the castle, posthaste!


To be continued..............

Rumours of her demise have thankfully been very much exaggerated it would seem! The lovely Pedestrian, complete with new name, is back to regale us with tales of her camping trip and we hope she will be a regular contributor here again.

And so ends another ... what's this note? Looks very legal. Hmm. From Mister Burns's lawyers, eh? Excuse me, I have to go deal with this.

Till next week,
Trollheart: Signature-free since April 2018
Trollheart is offline   Reply With Quote

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