Ah hoy hoy! Yes, it's your old pal, Charles Montgomery Burns, back again. That Trollheart fellow is so busy these days with his “Hate or Hate” --- oh, do excuse me, these dentures you understand! “Love or hate” of course I meant to say
(no I bloody didn't!) thread that he asked me to step in and steady the ship for him while he's otherwise engaged. What? No no, that was like that when we got here, wasn't it Smithers? How dare you suggest I would have my flunky jemmy the --- Smithers! Where have you ---- ah, yes; no doubt he's gone to alert my team of overpriced lawyers. We'll see who has the last laugh then, eh my friend? Why, I'll crush you like this – uumpph! --- like his --- ruuuughhh! --- paper --- aaarrrrggg THERE! I
knew I could do it! Like this paper cup! Ooh, I feel all faint; I had better sit down.
Now, let's see if we can make sense of this laughable excuse for an office --- dear god man! How does this fellow ever get anything done? Look at this! Scraps of paper, lyric sheets, posters held on with chewing gum, mangy dog staggering around vainly looking for somewhere to die! What's this? Appears to be a crude drawing of a stick figure with a cowboy hat, with the words TROLLHART crayoned in underneath. How jolly! Must be drawn by his nephew or niece or --- noooo actually now I look at it, that's his own writing. Well. Let's say no more about that.
First things first. Smithers! Smith-ers! Where are you? Ah, about time! Clear this desk for me will you? NO I DIDN'T MEAN JUST --- well, you know, actually that's probably for the best. Oh, and remove that revolting pictogram of that Antipodean temptress, will you? Kylie Minogue indeed! Does he not think he's a little old for --- anyway, I digress. Where was I? Oh yes. I'm in charge now, for the next few weeks anyway, and things are going to be run VERY differently here. You people will need to shape up or ship out. I will NOT have mediocre entries in poor journals, do you hear me!
So what have we got to work with? Dear lord. Well I suppose beggars can't be choosers ... what a silly phrase. Of course they can. They can choose to get a job or be street bums. Still, I bet when they're fishing for food in those disgusting dumpsters they don't find anything as repugnant s this pile of ---
ah hoy hoy? Ah, Trollheart! Yes, yes, just about to ... your cowboy picture? Oh dear. I mean, yes yes, everything is just where you left it (
Smithers! Get that picture dried out now! I don't care if the crayon has run! Rewrite it! He'll never know the) absolutely, yes, indeed. A wonderful crop, as you say, and deserving of the highest .... what's that Smithers? Urgent journal business? I'll be right there. Sorry Trollheart, must dash. You take it easy and we'll see you in a few weeks. Broken lock? I know nothing about that, I'm afraid. Perhaps you can take it up with security when you ... yes Smithers I'm COMING! Sorry, must go. See you soon! Toodles! Idiot
What? The receiver isn't fully ... oh damn and blast! Sorry about that, Sir. Crossed lines. Yes, yes, of course. Goodbye.
Right, now that that's over, time to get this carnival upon the thoroughfare! Smithers, the instructions. Yes, I know they're in my pocket. Fetch them for me, would you? Yes I know, but you're closer. Thank you. Now, let's see:
Boot up computer. Easily done.
BAM!
What the blue blazes ---? Smithers, why is the computing machine on the ground? Yes, I KNOW I kicked it: I was following Trollheart's instructions to the let --- eh? Really? Well now why couldn't he just say “turn on the computer”? Honestly! Yes, up here --- put your back into it man! Careful! No, not there! Here! No, two inches to the right I think. No, to the left. No, back. There will be fine. Now, what's next?
Log on? Where in the name of the Sam Hill am I supposed to get a ---? Smithers, run down to the nearest logging camp and --- what? Now that's just silly. What's with all this complicated jargon? Ah! Now for THIS I have brought a cat. What? Well look at the notes:
Use the mouse. First, we must catch it, no? You don't say? I don't know: anyone would think this wasn't the seventeenth century! What? Really? How time does fly when one is lying in one's coffin...
All right, then: let's see what ... huzzah! Success! Now, let's see which one of you chair moisteners are up first. Ah! The mighty
Batlord! Aren't we ducking him? Doesn't his wife have a screenplay? No? Different person eh? Excellent!
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...-oblivion.html he self-importantly proclaims, as he discusses the minutiae of comical periodicals. Ah yes, I remember reading
Mutt and Jeff and
Andy Capp as a youth, and that delightful cat,
Garfield. But wait! He has none of these icons in his so-called journal? Who
has he got then?
Quicksilver? The Flash? Doctor Doom? Magneto? Never heard of any of these. And he has them all fighting hypothetical battles. I truly don't get the youth of today. Well, if it's your thing I suppose...
Video games are more the style of
Black Francis (are you
sure he hasn't got a wife who has a .... no, no, okay. Mistaken identity again I suppose) who is looking into more
Shadow of the Colossus and
Grand Theft Auto in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ms-nes-ps.html. Ah, excellent! I remember good old Donkey Kong! Now THERE was someone who could get a job done! If only I could have employed a hundred of those monkeys, instead of the useless apes I have slaving, er, working for me now... ah well.
I see we have a representative of the law here. Good, good! I hope you're still arresting all those blacks --- what? Oh now really! I can't even
say the word? Since when? Niggle, niggle, niggle, that's you Smithers. Oh very well. Arrest them for what, you ask? Oh, I'm sure you'll think of
something during the long, bumpy, un-airconditioned ride across the Transvaal to ... ah, sorry: got a bit confused there. But I don't know why we waste all our money on putting these
(what is the accepted term, Smithers? Ah...) "gentlemen of colour" in prison. Waste of --- what? I own
how many shares in America's prisons? Ah. Yes, yes, fine institutions, keep them full and busy! What has Officer Fiddler (sounds a little like an embezzler to me. Watch this one, Smithers!) been up to on
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...es-patrol.html? Hmm. Seems he's getting all (oh dear!) HOT UNDER THE COLLAR about people driving in the heat! Oh lordy Smithers! I should be at the Vaudeville!
(Ah, what a delightful little laughing face. I really am quite adept at these computers, aren't I?)
“How music got free?” When did this happen? I have shares in almost every major record store in --- hmm. Seems the tale is related in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...nnerspace.html, as well as nu-jazz (whatever the devil
that is!) and “A taste of Fresh Aire”? “Grand Unified Theory of Contemporary Music”? “Slow music for fast times?” Bah! I'm not reading all that! I suggest you go to
innerspaceboy's journal, if you desire more information.
Another one wasting his time pushing buttons and twiddling knobs when he could be on a starvation wage at my factory pushing buttons and twiddling knobs is a man who is so poor he can only afford two letters in his name! Yes,
Ki is bringing
Star Wars Video Game Month to a close, with a look at
Star Wars Battlefield. Front. Field. Who the blue blazes cares? If you do, join him in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...is-arcade.html. And while you're at it, get those sideburns shaved!
Our friend
Mondo Bungle (where
do they get these names??) is going on a road trip and will be detailing his adventures in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...im-leavin.html, so stay tuned.
Oriphiel (another one!) meanwhile is writing the latest chapter to
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...rgy-story.html. You're not reading it? No, me neither. These cataracts, you see...
A man who really thought hard when deciding what to call himself,
qwertyy is exploring grime (he could be a janitor in my factory if he wants to do that!) with another person who can't afford a full name, the oddly-named Jme in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ploration.html
As you all know by now, I am here because
Trollheart is very busy with this other thread of his, and as a result has been a bit of a slugabed with his journals. There is however new material in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...ive-metal.html where he's starting off 1969 and looking into the debut album from Genesis. Pah! He may know what he likes, but so do I, and it isn't “pro-gressive rock”...
Sixteen years ahead of him,
Unknown Soldier is still
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...y-history.html with albums from Dio and Savatage as he tackles 1985, while he and an insectivore appear to be collaborating in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...78-2015-a.html where they're looking at [ui]Toto XIV[/i]. Indeed. I seem to recall their off-key caterwauling on the Ed Sullivan show. Or was that the Beatles? What's the difference?
Oh, and nice to see you,
Wpnfire! Think this is a job where you can just turn up when you please do you? Let me tell you, sonny boy, things are changing around here! I want a decent entry from you at least once a week, or I'll find someone who
can do the job! Stronghold? Summoning? Pah! You'll have to do a lot better than that in
http://www.musicbanter.com/members-j...s-journal.html if you want to keep drawing a paycheck young fella me lad!
And that goes for the rest of you too! This excuse for a journal section is nothing short of laughable! You're supposed to update
regularly, not when you feel like it! I want
proper work, people, or heads are going to roll! Do you hear me? There's a new sheriff in town and ... what IS IT Smithers? Why are you on one knee? Something wrong with your back? Oh I know the feeling, my friend. I ... what? Same sex marriage was legalised in the USA this week? What has that to do with ... oh. I ... see. Well, this is very sudden, Smithers. Why don't you give me some time to think it over? Oh yes, I'll have your answer, don't you worry. I won't leave you waiting.
Hello? Sicilian Mafia? This is Mister B. Yes, you remember. Well, I just may have a contract for you...
Oh, dear me! Didn't see you people still there! Do you
mind? This is a
private call! Now, off you go and let's see some proper work next week, or you'll all be learning what it's like to live on welfare!
No, not you, Don Gasconi! I was talking...
Shoo!
Till next week,
Toodles!