I agree with what jibber said. Also, just for the sake of using the great thing called technology, get a spell check on this, too. Sometimes, people can lose the message when reading and they are distracted by glaring mistakes.
But like Jib said, tell us what you're talking about. I could have written a song like that just by watching Black Hawk Down, or something similar. So assume that your audience doesn't know what you're talking about when singing/writing about a real life situation, and beef up the song a little more.
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