first thread (lyrics, techno, rock, band, songs)

Mr.pink · 01-07-2006, 07:30 PM

this is my first thread here so bare with me, i'v bin writng songs for 2 year with my band but my drummer usualy write the lyrics but somtimes i just write some ideas down..i wanna kno wat people think. thanx by the way it gonna be about the **** happening over in the democratic republic of Congo

A gun in an eight year olds hand
Fighting and killing not noing the reasoning
Just to meet western demands

(Chorus)

People so close that they’ve become enemies

(Scream) the precious rock you crave is blacker than your hearts

Mindless youth and so called necessities

(Scream) stop it before, once again it starts

People to invisible to say

(Scream) surviving only to kill others is the test

fighting for the privilege to provide the west

EDGE · 01-08-2006, 02:48 PM

looks good.
and welcome.

Imonlydancing · 01-08-2006, 05:40 PM

I like it too :]

Crazy Luv · 01-08-2006, 06:11 PM

welcome to MB. i also like it

jibber · 01-08-2006, 08:01 PM

it's off to a good start. I think if you expanded on it it could become a really good song, as it stands now. What i like about it is that it's not just another "war is bad, people die" song that attempts to be political but really doesn't say anything about any real issues. It's actually got a specific topic and a specific message. so far so good.

Crowe · 01-08-2006, 08:33 PM

I agree with what jibber said. Also, just for the sake of using the great thing called technology, get a spell check on this, too. Sometimes, people can lose the message when reading and they are distracted by glaring mistakes.

But like Jib said, tell us what you're talking about. I could have written a song like that just by watching Black Hawk Down, or something similar. So assume that your audience doesn't know what you're talking about when singing/writing about a real life situation, and beef up the song a little more.

creepinson · 01-09-2006, 01:57 PM

THIS SONG SUCKS HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH A PIECE OF CRAP...

(dont ban me, im his drummer hes talking about, its cool)

dude what happened to the updates i sent you... they were alot better, less pointless rhyming

01-07-2006, 07:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mr.pink Groupie Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 12	first thread this is my first thread here so bare with me, i'v bin writng songs for 2 year with my band but my drummer usualy write the lyrics but somtimes i just write some ideas down..i wanna kno wat people think. thanx by the way it gonna be about the **** happening over in the democratic republic of Congo A gun in an eight year olds hand Fighting and killing not noing the reasoning Just to meet western demands (Chorus) People so close that they’ve become enemies (Scream) the precious rock you crave is blacker than your hearts Mindless youth and so called necessities (Scream) stop it before, once again it starts People to invisible to say (Scream) surviving only to kill others is the test fighting for the privilege to provide the west

01-08-2006, 08:01 PM	#5 (permalink)
jibber Freeskier Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Istanbul was Constantinople now it's Istanbul not Constantinople... Posts: 1,536	it's off to a good start. I think if you expanded on it it could become a really good song, as it stands now. What i like about it is that it's not just another "war is bad, people die" song that attempts to be political but really doesn't say anything about any real issues. It's actually got a specific topic and a specific message. so far so good. __________________ What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road. William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass. HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER

01-08-2006, 02:48 PM	#2 (permalink)
EDGE accidental genius Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Boston, MA Posts: 1,161	looks good. and welcome.

01-08-2006, 05:40 PM	#3 (permalink)
Imonlydancing raaaaaaa Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Bedford Posts: 951	I like it too :]

01-08-2006, 06:11 PM	#4 (permalink)
Crazy Luv a l'amou fou pou tout Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: NY Posts: 355	welcome to MB. i also like it

01-08-2006, 08:33 PM	#6 (permalink)
Crowe Music Addict Join Date: Dec 2005 Posts: 699	I agree with what jibber said. Also, just for the sake of using the great thing called technology, get a spell check on this, too. Sometimes, people can lose the message when reading and they are distracted by glaring mistakes. But like Jib said, tell us what you're talking about. I could have written a song like that just by watching Black Hawk Down, or something similar. So assume that your audience doesn't know what you're talking about when singing/writing about a real life situation, and beef up the song a little more.

01-09-2006, 01:57 PM	#7 (permalink)
creepinson you are freakin out, man Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: ajax, ontario Posts: 129	THIS SONG SUCKS HOW DARE YOU MAKE SUCH A PIECE OF CRAP... (dont ban me, im his drummer hes talking about, its cool) dude what happened to the updates i sent you... they were alot better, less pointless rhyming