Music Banter - View Single Post

sleepy jack · 01-09-2006, 05:45 PM

I sit back and sip bitter amber,
It fights its way down my throat,
And meets a throbbing arsonist.
i really like those lines the bitter amber part is good, i like you say and instead of saying it again thats a little thing that's usually not noticed but good.
I find flames waiting for me
at the next gasping doorstep.
also very good.
Afire, loving every moment
And every burning breath I enlist
Nothing else to add its good.
Again and again you slip through my grasp.
I tire of the lies that keep your interest,
I really like how say "i tire of" instead of "im tired of"
Laughing at how subtly I fashion a casket
And how shamelessly I wish to forget.
Very good using using fashion in that manner isn't common on here i like
I step out of the eye of the storm, and into the rain
Desperately believing, that I’m not crying yet.
Normally crying is a cliched line but its not here and much better then some "raining eyes" or some shit like that.
Tired now, of waiting for the rainbow
My eyes yield no more than a false sun,
Im convinced my heart could use a volt or two.
Volt is much better then using shock
And now I see vibrancies on the overcast horizon,
Arching drearily and ending at the girl sat beside me.
Good line vibrancies is a nice word
Probably dreaming of what new shade
Shakespeare’s three witches would glow in envy,
Seeing the concoction in her hand.
I've always liked using shade in a song in this manner

Now far from the girl that had turned me down.
I don’t think they’ll ever find you.
Very nice ending line

Overall i think its great, it has some awesome metaphores that i like. Its very good.