creepinson

I sit back and sip bitter amber,
It fights its way down my throat,
And meets a throbbing arsonist.
I find flames waiting for me
at the next gasping doorstep.
Afire, loving every moment
And every burning breath I enlist
Again and again you slip through my grasp.
I tire of the lies that keep your interest,
Laughing at how subtly I fashion a casket
And how shamelessly I wish to forget.

I step out of the eye of the storm, and into the rain
Desperately believing, that I’m not crying yet.

Tired now, of waiting for the rainbow
My eyes yield no more than a false sun,
Im convinced my heart could use a volt or two.
And now I see vibrancies on the overcast horizon,
Arching drearily and ending at the girl sat beside me.
Probably dreaming of what new shade
Shakespeare’s three witches would glow in envy,
Seeing the concoction in her hand.

Now far from the girl that had turned me down.

I don’t think they’ll ever find you.
-------------------------------

tear it up if you want

Crowe

one thing I love about some songs is the little references and metaphors and similes, etc. Talking about Shakespeare's 3 witches is awesome, I mean, Macbeth is a pretty well known play... sipping bitter amber... some sort of alcoholic drink, yeah? Whiskey? Rum? Either way it gets the message across creatively. One thing I've learned the hard way, is that if you make too vague of a reference, you alienate part of your audience...and they miss out on the emotion you're trying to convey - because they don't know, in this case, the three witches from Macbeth. I don't think that's the case here. But gotta be on the lookout.

Some of the last part in the second verse didn't connect for me, but maybe I missed the meaning - or analyzed it the wrong way.

I like em short n sweet and this was a damn fine job at doing that! Goodwork :-D

sleepy jack

I sit back and sip bitter amber,
It fights its way down my throat,
And meets a throbbing arsonist.
i really like those lines the bitter amber part is good, i like you say and instead of saying it again thats a little thing that's usually not noticed but good.
I find flames waiting for me
at the next gasping doorstep.
also very good.
Afire, loving every moment
And every burning breath I enlist
Nothing else to add its good.
Again and again you slip through my grasp.
I tire of the lies that keep your interest,
I really like how say "i tire of" instead of "im tired of"
Laughing at how subtly I fashion a casket
And how shamelessly I wish to forget.
Very good using using fashion in that manner isn't common on here i like
I step out of the eye of the storm, and into the rain
Desperately believing, that I’m not crying yet.
Normally crying is a cliched line but its not here and much better then some "raining eyes" or some shit like that.
Tired now, of waiting for the rainbow
My eyes yield no more than a false sun,
Im convinced my heart could use a volt or two.
Volt is much better then using shock
And now I see vibrancies on the overcast horizon,
Arching drearily and ending at the girl sat beside me.
Good line vibrancies is a nice word
Probably dreaming of what new shade
Shakespeare’s three witches would glow in envy,
Seeing the concoction in her hand.
I've always liked using shade in a song in this manner

Now far from the girl that had turned me down.
I don’t think they’ll ever find you.
Very nice ending line



Overall i think its great, it has some awesome metaphores that i like. Its very good.

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