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JGuy Grungeman · 05-21-2016, 01:08 PM

Gonna be a critic here, so sorry if I offend. I think the first song was pretty cheesy. It's been done before. It didn't really seem like the sadness in the lyrics was very inspired or serious, let alone relatable. I think the language of love you're going for needs a more cryptic side, like riddles or metaphors. Also, try to downplay the opposing side with some metaphors, but not to a "whiny" extent. That way, there's more "pain." As for the second song, I liked the lyrics, except the chorus needs some work. I especially disliked the last line in the chorus, as it felt like a life lesson from a child's movie rather than a romantic relationship. I did like the part, "Wish we were making up by making love instead." That was actually quite good.

05-21-2016, 01:08 PM	#2 (permalink)
JGuy Grungeman Primo Celebate Sexiness Join Date: Apr 2014 Posts: 2,662	Gonna be a critic here, so sorry if I offend. I think the first song was pretty cheesy. It's been done before. It didn't really seem like the sadness in the lyrics was very inspired or serious, let alone relatable. I think the language of love you're going for needs a more cryptic side, like riddles or metaphors. Also, try to downplay the opposing side with some metaphors, but not to a "whiny" extent. That way, there's more "pain." As for the second song, I liked the lyrics, except the chorus needs some work. I especially disliked the last line in the chorus, as it felt like a life lesson from a child's movie rather than a romantic relationship. I did like the part, "Wish we were making up by making love instead." That was actually quite good. __________________ I'm a pretty nice troll if you ask me. Last edited by JGuy Grungeman; 05-21-2016 at 01:31 PM.