Friends and Lovers
I fit so nice... (oh so nice my love)
In the crook of your neck when I cry (you're crying?)
Don't let go, please, friend. (lover?)
Hold me till dawn. (till dawn?)
Love me like a lover should. (how should a lover love my love?)
'I fit so nice' & 'In the crook of your neck when I cry' are way too different if you're trying to make this dialogue work. I can't imagine how it could be sung over music.
I never told you directly
What the subtext was
Of our relationship.
Your not my friend. (I'm not?)
Your something I want you to be (whats that, my love?)
Why don't your first three lines continue the 'dialogue'? You need continuity.
Tears have made you blind (oh so blind my love)
I'm always there (you are?)
through the laughter (hahaha)
and the blindness
I'm everything a good friend should be
Friends and lovers (friends and lovers)
'Hahaha' is not the best dialogue you could use.
Again, 'Heh' shouldn't be part of the dialogue.
Other than those couple things, it's not bad.
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Would you forsake your house and home
Would you forsake your baby
Would you forsake your husband too
To go with Black Jack Davey?
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