Originally Posted by Mondo Bungle

I dunno why I torture myself when it comes to communicating with my friends. They have their lives and if I'm not close enough then I should let that be. I bet people find me insufferable when I try so hard to get any acknowledgment. It's not gonna happen and since I dunno why, it's just another stab to my self esteem, every time. The fact that I receive none at all really brings me down, no matter what I say, it's a guarantee. Then I start to feel like I don't even get the satisfaction of someone telling me they don't want to talk to me. Passed over completely, with anything I say or ask. Like "sup bro we haven't talked in months, how's it going", nothing. "generic question", nothing. "Hey I've been thinking about jumping off a tall building, yay or nay?", nothing.

And surely it is so simple, and so trivial and lame. Just the fact that I can't get anything at all leads me to conclude all these negative things. I'll just never learn my lesson. I try too hard and it brings me lower and lower all the time. I really need to find a way to stay occupied asap, and give it a rest.

to be totally honest, for a long time, like since starting elementary school, I lived with this feeling that I'm not cut out for companionship. Friends would come and go but at the end of the day I would always feel like that's not for me.


disclaimer: Every single thing I just said here is completely irrational

Originally Posted by J.R.R. Tolkien

There is only one bright spot and that is the growing habit of disgruntled men of dynamiting factories and power-stations; I hope that, encouraged now as ‘patriotism’, may remain a habit! But it won’t do any good, if it is not universal.