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Old 01-29-2017, 11:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
BigHappyJack
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Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 7
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Hey Fern,

I think you have a very good emotional feeling here. I felt the swelling.

The writing of it needs some format work, it would be easier to read. Punctuation would be nice.

I also don't think you challenge yourself enough on your rhymes. They seem rather plain pairings. Pick a surprising second rhyme.

I think this is a good project song. Should come out the other end quite nice.
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