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Old 12-05-2016, 09:29 AM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Dec 2016
Location: usa
Posts: 1
Default home

when we were touching i was blushing from a blushing inner glow
radiating from the depths of my soul
no longer searching no longer alone
for the first time in my life my heart has a home

home is my salvation where i lay my fears to rest
when life tosses me those curves tosses me those tests
home is where desire flies twenty four seven
homes a soul asylum that gets my spirit revving

homes a castle without hassles without any moats
on the same wavelength our love stays afloat
homes comfy and cozy nic nacks knacks galore
from all the ports we traveled to sailing shore to shore

homes the aroma of soul food cooking in the oven
the echo of laughter after serious loving
homes a foundation of love reinforced by devotion
with no ceiling for feeling the rainbow of emotion
fern carle is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 01-29-2017, 11:51 AM   #2 (permalink)
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 7

Hey Fern,

I think you have a very good emotional feeling here. I felt the swelling.

The writing of it needs some format work, it would be easier to read. Punctuation would be nice.

I also don't think you challenge yourself enough on your rhymes. They seem rather plain pairings. Pick a surprising second rhyme.

I think this is a good project song. Should come out the other end quite nice.
BigHappyJack is offline   Reply With Quote

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