Interesting piece, too bad I caught it on my way to a class so I can't critique it in depth right now... got a little suggestion for you...
Quote:
Scrawl, scrawl through the journals,
Page after page filled with her name.
A lifetime spent behind the quill.
A lifetime spent to power this mill.
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Take the first spent and change it into BENT, for some reason that sounds a lot more meaningful to me. Like you've been slaving for your lover in every aspect of life, physically, emotionally, and that she does affect the way you live. Plus it flows smoothly with the spent in the next line. Let's take a look at it...
Quote:
Scrawl, scrawl through the journals,
Page after page filled with her name.
A lifetime bent behind the quill.
A lifetime spent to power this mill.
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What do you think?