Key

If the first thing you think about upon reading this is "man Ki, grow up, get over it," I will happily lead you out the same door you walked in on. This stuff is extremely personal to me and if you don't like it, you can gtfo.

Anyway, I don't recall if I've talked about this particular topic exactly or in depth before, so I want to take this opportunity for people to get a little taste of what my mind has done to me over the years that I've been on this Earth. I do suffer from what they would call night terrors. Although it's not as frequent or terrifying as they once were when I was a kid, you have to take into consideration that this type of stuff doesn't just leave your mind or your body for good. It's one of those things that you tell people have happened to you, but they don't entirely understand what it is or what I'm implying (give or take a few people that know, of course). Night terrors are certainly something I would not wish upon anybody. The feeling of something creeping up on you, and keeping you awake is not something I would consider normal, nor should I. I know it's ****ed to see the things that I see, but unfortunately it's what I live with. It's a part of me.

A more specific example would be an occurrence that happened to me as a kid. I was probably 12...13, maybe 14. Back int he day, this was when the house I live in now was lively and full of family members, so my younger brother and I shared a bunk bed. Well, I would wake up almost every night because I would see things that obviously weren't there. It got to the point that I was nearly crippled, almost physically unable to move because of an unstoppable force taking over me. This particular instance was one of the first times I had witnessed things getting so much larger in size that it felt suffocating. And if you think that's bull****, take that up with my parents that had to shelter me under a blanket on the couch in order to keep the bad things from getting to me. It was the only place I felt safe. From an outsiders perspective, it's hard to truly understand what is being seen. If I could explain it in the best way I can, just imagine looking in front of you, and seeing the walls closing in on you, and nearly crushing you to death. I do feel that I may have actually felt the taste of death through this, although I know that seems impossible.

If I could put it in a way you could understand: try to think of the most terrifying thing you've ever seen. And I mean the most truly most terrifying thing you've ever seen. Now...imagine that particular fear creeping up on you nearly every night when you're at an age that is not up to par with keeping things out of your head. It's not something that sounds fun or particularly good. Because it isn't. I personally wish I never had to experience it, but unfortunately some people have to. And no, I don't want help because what good would that do? What am I gonna do, tell someone that I experienced this and end up in a mental hospital somewhere? No. I'm not of the opinion that these particular instances are meant to be seen in a negative fashion, more-so they should be seen as a part of you. If I'm ever in a mental asylum, it'll be because I did something truly horrible. Don't worry, that won't happen.

You may not believe me, but night terrors are a very real and very common thing among people. If you think of it as a light topic, tell me to my face that it is a light topic. I'll make you a believer in no time. And hell, you don't even have to believe me. I know it happened. That's all that matters.