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Old 05-18-2017, 06:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Oriphiel's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2014
Location: The States
Posts: 5,274
Default Frownland is the Frownman: A Frownfiction

Since Frownland loves my writing so much, I've decided to give him an erotic fanfiction of his very own!

Chapter One

White Noise - Here Come the Fleas

As the sun rose high into the rich blue sky, Frownland was awoken by the soothing sound of his industrial grinder alarm clock. Springing out of bed, he opened the window, and breathed in the morning air. "Hello! Good morning!" said the sun, smiling down at the world. Frownland gave the sun the finger, replying "Is it morning? Your light is so fucking weak that I thought it was still night. I love the night, mostly because I don't have to look at your big ugly face." The sun burst into tears, yelling "Fuck you! I try so hard, and nobody appreciates me! You like night so much? Here, have some fucking night, prick!" With that, the sun fucked off, and a blanket of darkness fell over the peaceful burg of Frowntown. Slowly, the moon shuffled out from behind the horizon, saying "Uh... Sorry about that, guys. The sun is real touchy lately, ever since that chinese mega-corporation built their own artificial sun and tried to steal his job. So, uh... I guess it's night again." Frownland smiled, and walked to the kitchen.

Just then, the phone rang. "Hello?" inquired Frownland, answering it with his free hand as he ate a healthy breakfast of marijuana-o's. "Hey," replied Exo. "Oh hey, Exoskeletal. To what do I owe the dubious pleasure?" asked Frownland, wiping flecks of cereal (and semen) off of his beard. As he did so, a large patch of his beard fell off. 'Not again...' thought Frownland, as he reached for a bottle of Elmer's glue. After clearing his throat, Exo said "Look, it's about last night. You were way out of line." After laughing, Frownland replied "Oh, come on! All I did was change DwnWthVwls' username to Cockzilla, post a picture of a corpse being fellated by a sentient lawnmower, and temp-banned Batlord after entrapping him with a goofy personal attack! Oh wait, I think that last one might have been Plank..." After somehow audibly shaking his head through the phone line, Exo answered "No, not that shit. I'm talking about when you made fun of a mentally ill person. What the fuck, man? I can't protect you forever, especially when you pull shit like that! I just don't have the time! These David Lynch movies aren't gonna watch themselves!"

Sighing, Frownland said "Alright, alright. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that MB is too full of pussies to appreciate my genius. It will happen again." Narrowing his eyes, Exo replied "You mean it won't happen again, right?" Frownland replied by simply laughing. "God damn it, Frown! This isn't a joke! Seriously, I do not have time for this shit! I live on a mountain! A FUCKING MOUNTAIN! Do you know how hard it is to get an internet connection up here? Every time I want to send so much as an e-mail, I have to give a lumberjack a handjob!" Sighing, Frownland replied "Okay, okay. I know you're under a lot of stress. I'll make it up to you, alright?" After a moment of silence, Exo answered "How? Have you... have you invented a new Super-Drug?" Smiling, Frownland retrieved an odd looking plant from a nearby coffee table, replying "Yes. And it's a real beauty. I call it 'Crack Peyote-juana'. I could send you a sample..." Clearing his throat again, Exo replied "Okay, fine. I'll let you off the hook. But this 'Crack Peyote-juana' shit better be good stuff!" Twirling his moustache, Frownland replied "My friend, this shit is gonna send you to the White Lodge."
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