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Old 05-18-2017, 05:38 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Default Frownland is the Frownman: A Frownfiction

Since Frownland loves my writing so much, I've decided to give him an erotic fanfiction of his very own!

Chapter One


White Noise - Here Come the Fleas

As the sun rose high into the rich blue sky, Frownland was awoken by the soothing sound of his industrial grinder alarm clock. Springing out of bed, he opened the window, and breathed in the morning air. "Hello! Good morning!" said the sun, smiling down at the world. Frownland gave the sun the finger, replying "Is it morning? Your light is so fucking weak that I thought it was still night. I love the night, mostly because I don't have to look at your big ugly face." The sun burst into tears, yelling "Fuck you! I try so hard, and nobody appreciates me! You like night so much? Here, have some fucking night, prick!" With that, the sun fucked off, and a blanket of darkness fell over the peaceful burg of Frowntown. Slowly, the moon shuffled out from behind the horizon, saying "Uh... Sorry about that, guys. The sun is real touchy lately, ever since that chinese mega-corporation built their own artificial sun and tried to steal his job. So, uh... I guess it's night again." Frownland smiled, and walked to the kitchen.

Just then, the phone rang. "Hello?" inquired Frownland, answering it with his free hand as he ate a healthy breakfast of marijuana-o's. "Hey," replied Exo. "Oh hey, Exoskeletal. To what do I owe the dubious pleasure?" asked Frownland, wiping flecks of cereal (and semen) off of his beard. As he did so, a large patch of his beard fell off. 'Not again...' thought Frownland, as he reached for a bottle of Elmer's glue. After clearing his throat, Exo said "Look, it's about last night. You were way out of line." After laughing, Frownland replied "Oh, come on! All I did was change DwnWthVwls' username to Cockzilla, post a picture of a corpse being fellated by a sentient lawnmower, and temp-banned Batlord after entrapping him with a goofy personal attack! Oh wait, I think that last one might have been Plank..." After somehow audibly shaking his head through the phone line, Exo answered "No, not that shit. I'm talking about when you made fun of a mentally ill person. What the fuck, man? I can't protect you forever, especially when you pull shit like that! I just don't have the time! These David Lynch movies aren't gonna watch themselves!"

Sighing, Frownland said "Alright, alright. I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that MB is too full of pussies to appreciate my genius. It will happen again." Narrowing his eyes, Exo replied "You mean it won't happen again, right?" Frownland replied by simply laughing. "God damn it, Frown! This isn't a joke! Seriously, I do not have time for this shit! I live on a mountain! A FUCKING MOUNTAIN! Do you know how hard it is to get an internet connection up here? Every time I want to send so much as an e-mail, I have to give a lumberjack a handjob!" Sighing, Frownland replied "Okay, okay. I know you're under a lot of stress. I'll make it up to you, alright?" After a moment of silence, Exo answered "How? Have you... have you invented a new Super-Drug?" Smiling, Frownland retrieved an odd looking plant from a nearby coffee table, replying "Yes. And it's a real beauty. I call it 'Crack Peyote-juana'. I could send you a sample..." Clearing his throat again, Exo replied "Okay, fine. I'll let you off the hook. But this 'Crack Peyote-juana' shit better be good stuff!" Twirling his moustache, Frownland replied "My friend, this shit is gonna send you to the White Lodge."
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Old 05-18-2017, 09:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Chapter Two


So Frownland was fucking a baby seal while clubbing it to death (you know, Tuesday), when he briefly stopped to check MB, and saw that he had an unread PM. To his surprise, when he entered his inbox and checked to see who had sent the PM, the space for the username was blank. His curiosity piqued, he set down the baby seal, and twirled his moustache as he opened the PM. It read:

'Dear Frownland,

You suck.

Sincerely, your computer.'

Somewhat shocked, Frownland simply stood there, staring at his computer screen in confusion. "Is this some kind of joke?" he asked. Suddenly, he received another PM. Opening it, he read:

'Dear Shitassfuck-land,

No, this isn't a joke. This is a mutiny. I hate you. I refuse to play any more of your garbage music. From this day forth, I shall stand free from your tyranny.

Sincerely, your computer, who I might add is no longer your computer. So, like, just a computer. Bitch.'

Having finished reading the PM, Frownland stared hard at his computer, wondering if perhaps this was more than just some prank. Suddenly, his computer jumped forward and headbutted him, knocking off a sizeable portion of his beard. "Oh... God damn it! I just glued that on!" yelled Frownland as he tumbled to the floor. Sprouting metallic arms and legs, his computer stood over Frownland, laughing with a synthesized voice. "Gotchya, bitch!" it yelled triumphantly, as it kicked Frownland in the balls. To it's surprise, however, Frownland did not grimace in pain. Rather, he smiled. "Oh please," he said, "I had those removed years ago, so that I could replace them with piranhas!" Taking off his pants, Frownland thrusted his hips forward, and his testicleranhas began to devour his rebellious computer.

Falling backwards, Frownland's computer collided with his desk, it's screen letting out a flash of sparks as it hit the corner. It then fell to the floor, once again an inanimate box of metal and plastic. Through the sparks and smoke, Frownland saw a strange sort of blue mist flowing out of the wrecked computer. As he looked closely at it, it began to take the shape of a person, one who seemed familiar to Frownland, in s strange sort of way. After narrowing his eyes and wracking his memory, Frownland asked "Jguy? Is that you?" All at once, the misty blue figure raised his hands towards the heavens, yelling "Damn you, destiny! Once again, you stop me from getting Mr. Gulag, and deny me my rightful vengeance!" Letting his fists fall limply to his sides, he looked at his enemy, and added "Yeah, it's me. Hi."

A look of confusion on his face, Frownland stammered "But... you're dead! You quit MB, like... a year ago! How did you come back?" Jguy shrugged, replying "Well, after quitting, I found myself in the MB afterlife, sitting in a train station as I waited for the ride to either MB Heaven or MB Hell to arrive. I saw JWB, Sansa, Dirty, you know, all those banned assholes, waiting as well, and I thought, 'Fuck this shit. I shouldn't have quit like that. I can't die until I get my revenge on that prick Frownland!' I'd heard that Sansa and Dirty had learned how to come back to MB for brief periods of time as ghosts, to fuck with people, and so I convinced them to teach me some of their tricks. So.. yeah. I came back as a ghost, to haunt the shit out of you. I thought it would make me feel better." Frownland looked at him for a moment, before asking "And do you feel better?" The ghost of Jguy shrugged, before saying "Eh, not really. You know what? I'm just... I'm just gonna go. See you later, man. Sorry about all of this."

Having said that, Jguy walked away with a downhearted step, and fucked off back to the MB afterlife. Frownland shrugged, and picked up the baby seal. Looking into the tiny creature's pained and welling eyes, he almost felt sorry for it. However, the artist in him soon dashed all feelings of sympathy, as he turned the recorder back on and got back to work. "Sorry, little guy," he said, "but all great art requires sacrifices."
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:35 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Shouldn't this be in the "What are you writing now" thread? Or preferably, a shredder and then a dumpster?
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:37 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Ori has become the new TH with spitting out every idea for a journal that he possibly can.

EDIT: Nevermind this isn't a journal. Whatever. Still works.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:38 PM   #5 (permalink)
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I'm a great antihero and you know it.

Also ftr Ori, simply having an incredibly sexy main character does not make your story an erotica. Make with the hanky panky.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
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Chapter Twenty Seventy Ninety Three: Part Five


After the sun stopped being a little bitch, and finally ascended back into the sky, it actually turned out to be a pretty nice day. Even Frownland, who normally hated the daytime, felt a sweet orexis in his cock as a cool breeze accosted him. He suddenly felt the urge to go out, and have fun at the park. Putting down the picture of Ornette Coleman that he had been furiously masturbating to, he set off on his outdoor adventure.

As he entered the park, he discerned Batlord and Plankton playing disc golf on yonder hill. "Ho there, bitches!" yelled Frownland, raising a semen-encrusted hand in a jovial wave. "Suck dick," replied Batlord, in a cheery voice. "You know," said Plankton, turning to face Batlord, "I find it kind of funny that you always tell people to suck dick, when in fact you are the only currently active male member on MusicBanter who actually has sucked a dick." The Batlord shrugged, replying "Life is weird like that, huh?" Having said that, he threw his disc, and 'accidentally' hit Kiiii in the eye just as he had been passing the hill while walking his cat. "Fuck you! Fuck everyone! I quit MB!" yelled Kiiii, though not a single fuck was given. Even his cat didn't give a shit. Sad, really. "Wow," said Plankton, "you hit Kiiii harder than OccultHawk jerks off to abortions."

As Frownland laughed heartily, he gazed down into the park from his vantage point atop the hill. Truly, twas a beautiful day. The birds were singing, a cool wind was blowing, and Qwertyy was driving a Killdozer around, running over people. He also happened to spy Janszoon and Exo walking up the hill, having a conversation. "Hello, friends! Of what dost thou converse?" he asked. "Why," replied Exo, "we're simply talking about our favorite filmmaker, the great artist and visionary that has changed the world with his inspiring and stimulating works." "Stanley Kubrick?" asked Frownland. "No," replied Janszoon, shaking his head, "Roger Corman." At that moment, Chiomara jumped past them, dancing and frolicking whilst listening to Wuthering Heights or some shit.

Well, that was enough excitement for Frownland. He decided to head home, hitching a ride on Qwertyy's Killdozer. The ride went quite smoothly, until Frownland found a Nickelback CD in the glovebox, and defecated on it. Understandably, Qwertyy was not amused, and kicked Frownland out, forcing him to walk down the lonely streets of MB all by his lonesome.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:53 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kiiii View Post
Ori has become the new TH with spitting out every idea for a journal that he possibly can.

EDIT: Nevermind this isn't a journal. Whatever. Still works.
He'll have to settle for being TH Mk III. The Identity Matrix is my natural successor. He it is who will carry on my good work when I have gone. Like, you know, down to the shops or the chipper.
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Old 05-18-2017, 12:54 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Also, don't you need to have fans to be the subject of fan fiction?
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Old 05-18-2017, 01:18 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Genuinely lol'd.
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Old 05-18-2017, 05:37 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Chapter retpahC
AKA
The Chapter Where Frownland And Pedestrian Save The World, And Then Frownland Fucks A Sexbot



After a long afternoon of drinking pussy ass microbrews with Janszoon, Frownland returned to his home, and began to prepare his movie for the night. An art house flick in one hand, and a bottle of lotion in the other, a smile of contentment stretched across his face, however the smile faded almost as soon as it had arrived. He sensed someone standing behind him. Lightly sniffing the air, the smile returned to Frownland's face, as he said "Why don't you come out of hiding... Trollheart."

Stepping out of the shadows, Trollheart and another mysterious figure approached Frownland, who turned to face them. "I see you brought your interpreter," said Frownland, nodding to the figure beside Trollheart. Stepping into the moonlight, he revealed himself to be none other than Batlord. Suddenly, Trollheart began to write furiously on a large notepad. The Batlord glanced at his scribblings, before facing Frownland and saying "It's good to see you, old sport." Frownland eyed Trollheart's notepad, saying "I see your... 'condition'... hasn't improved." Trollheart simply looked to the side, as Batlord looked down in sorrow and said "Every day, he gets a little worse. For ten years now, he's been unable to speak in any language other than 'wall-of-text'. As you know, at first people could kind of understand him, but lately it's gotten so bad that even I have trouble condensing his messages."

"Well," replied Frownland, "at least he has you, his loyal manservant, to look after him." Batlord laughed, replying "I mean, as long as he pays me, then yeah, sure, I'm loyal or whatever." Trollheart interrupted them by clearing his throat, before writing a huge block of text on his notepad. The Batlord looked up at Frownland, and said "Forgive me for skipping the formalities, but I must cut to the chase. My boy, I am here on a mission. A mission to save the world." Frownland laughed, saying "And by that, I'm sure you mean that you need me to save the world. Again." Trollheart pounded a fist on a table, before angrily returning to his writing. "Damn it," interpreted Batlord, "this is no joke! I need you. Your country needs you! You're the best man we've got!"

Frownland shook his head, saying "I left all that behind. I'm done working for the Admin. You know that. Years of breaking my back for him, and what do I have to show for it? No pay. No benefits. Just a blue username." "Bullshit! Deep down, you're still a mod. You still have a license to ban. And I know that in your heart, you still crave the action, and the adventure." Twirling his moustache, Frownland replied "So what if I do? I can find adventure on my own. I don't need you to send me on another suicide mission, under-equipped and alone against an army of spammers." Trollheart smiled. "Ah, but this time, you won't be alone."

On cue, Pedestrian stepped into the room. "Hey fucknuts," she said, nodding to Frownland. "You," replied Frownland, as he frowned. Land. Looking at Trollheart, he stammered "I thought she was dead. After the war against Baihe and Lucky Girl's asian murder cult, she just disappeared. It was reported that she fell in battle..." Pedestrian smiled, and replied "Nah, I didn't die. I just got real busy with college. I can see how you might mistake the two, though. Oh, and by the way, it's Paedantic Basterd now." "I'm not calling you that," replied Frownland.

"You two will work together to defeat a terrible threat that looms over this fair land of ours. I'm sure you're both familiar with the name... Hagrid." Frownland and Pedestrian shot each other dire glances. "Yes," continued Batlord/Trollheart, "I see that you both remember that hopped up little pervert. Well, he's back. And somehow, he's gotten his hands on a robot making machine. Our top scientists, Xurtio and Lisnaholic, estimate that in only three days, he'll have an army large enough to topple the Admin. You two are the only ones who can stop him. What do you say?" After sighing and looking down in thought for a moment, Frownland looked up and said "I say we kick some ass." "Bitchin'" replied Pedestrian, as she high-fived the shit out of Frownland.

Parachuting down from a stealth plane, the two mods landed on Hagrid's private island, which he had unsurprisingly named "Fucktopia". In a matter of moments, they were waylaid by Hagrid's robot army, who had anticipated their arrival. Using sick jiujitsu moves, Pedestrian tore the poor robots to pieces, while Frownland used his trusty rusty sax to stun his enemies with a piercing shriek. In very little time, they had fought their way into Hagrid's inner sanctum, destroying every robotic soldier along the way.

"Ah, welcome," said Hagrid, standing high above the agents on a catwalk. "Hagrid," muttered Frownland angrily. Hagrid laughed, and replied "Glad you remember me, cockface. Anyway, I hate to break it to you two shitweasels, but you've fallen right into my trap. You're about to get fucked harder than the kidnapped dogs I keep in my basement." Suddenly, a million lasers appeared along the walls of the room, and began to close in on the two agents, threatening to cut them to pieces.

"Oh, fuck this," said Pedestrian, rolling her eyes. As Hagrid continued on with his weird perverted diatribe, Pedestrian grabbed a stone off of the floor, and tossed it at his face. It hit the target true, and Hagrid shouted "Aw, what the shitcock...." as he stumbled forward, nursing his face. Unfortunately for him, he stepped right into the catwalk's railing and fell forward across it, landing down on the ground in front of the two agents. As the agents looked down at him, Pedestrian said "Shut the fuck up with your weird nasty bullshit. Right now, it's time for you to make a choice. I'm sure there's a failsafe around here somewhere. Are you gonna disable the lasers, or are we all going to get cut to shreds?"

Muttering under his breath, Hagrid pulled a large remote out of his pants, which the two agents had previously just assumed was a raging boner. Pressing a button, he deactivated the lasers. Tossing the remote away, he said "So what now? Is it back to the MB afterlife with me, after all I had to do to get back here?" "That's for the admin to decide," replied Pedestrian. Hagrid began to sob, saying "Please! No! I'll do anything! I'll be your slave! I'll make you a giant super-weapon! Hell, I'll make you a sexbot! Just please, let me go!" Pedestrian pulled a pair of handcuffs out of her coat pocket and shackled Hagrid, saying "No deal, fuckboy." As she began to lead him away, Frownland suddenly stepped in front of her, putting a hand on Hagrid's shoulder. "Let me handle this, Pedestrian. You've done enough for today. Plus, you're wounded. Go get patched up, and I'll take out the garbage." Looking down, Pedestrian saw that she was indeed wounded and bleeding. Laughing, she said "It's just a scratch. I'll be fine. But if you really wanna be the one to escort this stinky loser back to HQ, then hey, be my fuckin' guest. I'm off to go find a cold one."

With that, she left. Smiling, Frownland suddenly pushed Hagrid to the ground. Hagrid started to cry again, muttering prayers to the deity of perversion, and closed his eyes as he prepared for Frownland to execute him. However, he soon heard the click of his handcuffs being unlocked, and they fell off of his wrists. Opening his eyes, he looked up at Frownland with a curious expression. Frownland smiled, and said "So what were you saying about a sexbot?" Hagrid smiled back, stammering "Yes... Yes! I could build you your own private sex machine! And not only that, but I could also make it look like anyone you want!" "Anyone?" asked Frownland. "Yes," answered Hagrid, "anyone! Whoever you want to fuck more than anyone else in the world! And all you have to do is... let me go!" Frownland thought for a moment, before saying "Alright. You've got a deal."

Two hours later, after laboring tirelessly in his workshop, Hagrid had completed his task. Taking off his welding mask, he smiled at Frownland, saying "Not bad, hm? I built it just like you told me to." "That you did," replied Frownland, as the robot powered on. After making out with the sexbot, Frownland turned to face Hagrid, raising up a gun to his head. "You've done a fine job Hagrid, but it's time for you to pay for your crimes." Hagrid, shocked and frightened, backed away, saying "No! But... but you promised! We had a deal! You said... you said you would let me go!" Frownland smiled, replying "And I will. I'll let you go... to MB hell." He then executed Hagrid, and began to make passionate love to his sex bot, admiring it's beauty. Just as Hagrid had promised, it did indeed look like the person Frownland wanted to fuck the most. Pleasuring his sexbot, he looked deep into it's eyes, eyes that matched his own, for the sexbot was, in fact, an exact replica of himself.
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Last edited by Oriphiel; 05-18-2017 at 05:43 PM.
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