I like where it's going, the only thing that really stood out right off the bat were these lines:
This is our final hour
This is our finest hour
the wording is just a little awkward seeming with both of them being so similar. It can work, but it's the only part of the song where you use that technique, so it stands out a lot.
__________________
What you've done becomes the judge of what you're going to do -- especially in other people's minds. When you're traveling, you are what you are right there and then. People don't have your past to hold against you. No yesterdays on the road.
William Least Heat Moon, Blue Highways
Your toughest competitor lives in your head. Some days his name is fear, or pain, or gravity. Stomp his ass.
HOOKED ON THE WHITE POWDER
|