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Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks
of the whole thing, this was my least favorite line. It brings a far to "real" image into this song. You use alot of metaphors and then to 'call out' your car like this seems out of place.
and I agree with Sun that the edify bit towards the end might need to be changed, depends on how it is presented in a song.
but other than that the first stanza is amazing.
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Actually, I agree with you about the 'Edify me part'. It is a lyric, rather than a poem although if you want to read it as a poem then by all means do so. The 'Edify me' part is where the chorus riff and melody are but its become pretty obvious to me that the chorus lyric (and the melody which go with it) is weak. If I came up with suggestions for chorus lines would you be up for pointing out to me which is strongest? That'd be a great help.