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Old 02-03-2006, 05:23 PM   #3 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver
They call me Tundra Boy
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
Posts: 1,166
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Quote:
Originally Posted by riseagainstrocks
I run through these hallways and up to these altars with a bag of sand (held in each hand)
The shelves hold their files and all the meanwhile (this hole in my chest wasn’t planned)

I meant not a word that you heard in the stairway that night and light will never cease
You work those rhymes guv'nor. The lines above are the ones which confused me, which I does not liketh. 'This hole in my chest wasnt planned' and 'I meant not a word that you heard in the stairway' are good bits, but I wasn't sure what you meant with the rest of these phrases.

Other than that I think its very good. Your new discovery of rhymage and meterage excite me...
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