In all of the lyrics you've posted I'd say that their strength is the individual phrases. You get in so many attention, imagination grabbing and just damn cool lines into every composition.
As anything other than poetry, I'm still not sure how 'As an Artist' and 'All I remember' would work, although the lines are cool they seem too long to have impact as lyrics.
'Handshake Heartbreak' seems to have better phrasing to be used as lyrics, but the way in which you convey the theme he is not as strong as the other three - by comparison its a bit garbled.
'Mine Eyes Have Seen...' is, in my opinion, the best of the bunch as puts its point across well, using some really good lines and neat, punchy phrasing.
To summarise (!) you always manage to come up with really good ideas, for me the lyrics would be improved if you made them a bit more punchy and structured, while managing to get the full meaning of the lyric across as well as you have when using extended phrases.
Having said that, the music you're writing these lyrics for is probably a style I don't 'get' anyway so the comments about structure and phrasing might be irrelevant.
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Originally Posted by Katyppfan
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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