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Chiomara · 01-27-2018, 07:43 PM

^ I partly agree with this-- during the initial intense infatuation phase (this is why I prefer very slow-burning relationships that grow out of friendship over the course of a year+) I think projection plays a huge part. Lots of projection and mirroring and blind hopefulness. (Not that people should not be hopeful; I'm just tired is all) I've also probably damaged some of my past relationships by projecting onto them too much toward the end and becoming stubbornly convinced that they, too were unfulfilled and unhappy with me.

All this is why I'm always immediately wary when someone claims that they're falling in love with me (shortly after having met me) -- because I've tried to give people like that the benefit of the doubt in the past and believe that their emotions were genuine and lasting and they never were-- I was always just a novelty. If not, if they were genuine-- that ultimately fizzles once I've finished serving my purpose as a tool for their self-actualization + personal therapist + "muse" + etc etc etc. It is beyond draining every time. (Not that I've never been selfish in love, because I have of course, but never to that degree.) ...Especially if you've been in back-to-back long-term relationships for over a decade and have watched the same exact thing play out every time with the occasional rare exception (but they, too ultimately did not really have the personality traits and interests they feigned while courting me anyway. They claimed to want to do all these things with me-- hiking--not even difficult hikes, leisurely ones-- cave exploring, thrift store hunting and cooking etc but after a month or two suddenly lose interest and prefer to play video games for 10 hours a day every day instead. I'm so tired. Not that I have strict activity requirements--that would be dumb-- I just want to do something vaguely active together on a somewhat regular basis. And it's the worst when you're dating someone that doesn't have the same sense of humor/sense of fun. If we can't just lounge around together eating dollar store candy while doing nothing in particular for hours without becoming immediately bored/feeling awkward then what's the point?) Sorry, had to be indulgent and complain about that for a moment.

I have the perfect Bell Hooks (or Anais Nin or Susan Sontag, I don't recall) quote about this specific thing but I can't remember it right now.

01-27-2018, 07:43 PM	#32 (permalink)
Chiomara mayor of spookytown Join Date: Jan 2017 Posts: 812	^ I partly agree with this-- during the initial intense infatuation phase (this is why I prefer very slow-burning relationships that grow out of friendship over the course of a year+) I think projection plays a huge part. Lots of projection and mirroring and blind hopefulness. (Not that people should not be hopeful; I'm just tired is all) I've also probably damaged some of my past relationships by projecting onto them too much toward the end and becoming stubbornly convinced that they, too were unfulfilled and unhappy with me. All this is why I'm always immediately wary when someone claims that they're falling in love with me (shortly after having met me) -- because I've tried to give people like that the benefit of the doubt in the past and believe that their emotions were genuine and lasting and they never were-- I was always just a novelty. If not, if they were genuine-- that ultimately fizzles once I've finished serving my purpose as a tool for their self-actualization + personal therapist + "muse" + etc etc etc. It is beyond draining every time. (Not that I've never been selfish in love, because I have of course, but never to that degree.) ...Especially if you've been in back-to-back long-term relationships for over a decade and have watched the same exact thing play out every time with the occasional rare exception (but they, too ultimately did not really have the personality traits and interests they feigned while courting me anyway. They claimed to want to do all these things with me-- hiking--not even difficult hikes, leisurely ones-- cave exploring, thrift store hunting and cooking etc but after a month or two suddenly lose interest and prefer to play video games for 10 hours a day every day instead. I'm so tired. Not that I have strict activity requirements--that would be dumb-- I just want to do something vaguely active together on a somewhat regular basis. And it's the worst when you're dating someone that doesn't have the same sense of humor/sense of fun. If we can't just lounge around together eating dollar store candy while doing nothing in particular for hours without becoming immediately bored/feeling awkward then what's the point?) Sorry, had to be indulgent and complain about that for a moment. I have the perfect Bell Hooks (or Anais Nin or Susan Sontag, I don't recall) quote about this specific thing but I can't remember it right now. __________________ Χρυσοσανδαλαιμοποτιχθονία Tumblr - 8tracks - Spotify Last edited by Chiomara; 01-27-2018 at 07:52 PM.