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Thread: Angers Lie's
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Old 03-15-2006, 07:01 PM   #9 (permalink)
explosions-in-my-pants
angel of tragic days
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 924
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy Luv
Hey you over there with the long hair
Will you lean over here and tell me your fears

Answer my question, was I wrong?

All I wanted was for you to see
That you are the only thing that meant anything to me

I tried... I couldn’t see past your ****ing eyes

You whispered softly in my ears
Replacing love with your desperate fears
I swore to you I wouldn’t leave

I made a promise that I would always keep


Never once did I question you
I always believed the words you said

Just like I believed you took no one else to bed

As if I couldn’t walk no more
I stumbled across that wooden floor
I screamed at you..and pushed you away
I made you feel like trash that day


As if I could ever do such a thing
It was a dream just like every meaningful thing you ever said




red i liked
italized is what i think it should be like
regular needs to be reworded some how
green i dont get
purple, you made a desperate jump from one buiding to the other, and didnt make it, but i still like(and get) what you are saying

theres something else that needs to be done badly, but i dont know how to explain it

edit: maybe make the stanzas link more to each other
WOW! thank Crazy Luv, i think your comments have been the most helpful so far.. and i really liked the parts you've changed but the one part you didn't highligfht the part that you should think should be chnaged i honestly don't know how to change it.. i really don't know what to change it to..
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