Originally Posted by goldendoodle

God some of you have such a black and white view on the matter. (I am looking at you elph.) Obviously it depends on the person. Don't write off an entire person because they have an abusive past. I have met countless people who are incredibly mature, self-aware, well-adjusted and empathetic who had horrific childhoods and/or an abusive ex-spouse or whatever. And plenty of people with idyllic childhoods who experienced no great misfortune/abuse yet are garbage, bitter, toxic people.
It depends on so many things. Obviously yes some young person in their early 20s with a string of abusive/vaguely-abusive exes may not yet have the self-awareness and emotional maturity (and therapy etc) needed to not keep falling into the same roles/dynamic and getting retraumatized and revictimized repeatedly, but that's partly to be expected because at that age you're still basically a baby.

Also!!! If one has actually BEEN in an abusive relationship, you'd know that the abusive person often seems totally charming and normal at first! They have to reel people in somehow, duh. They don't become unhinged right off the bat usually. And when you're young you aren't as good as listening to your intuition, especially if you have low self esteem already, which makes it even easier to be reeled in by those types despite alarms going off deep in your reptile brain.