That is a really good lyric, Hobo. They're right, it needs a proper chorus. I had an idea which is written below, hope it gives you some more ideas!
I messed around with the intro lyrics to smells like Teen Spirit (kind of warping each individual line, so it still fits to the same tune but goes with this song better). It could be tried as a chorus like right-track was suggesting before.
He brought the guns, his friends all came
He lost his own pretending game
So self assured and bored to death
A dirty word his dying breath
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katyppfan
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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