Frances

TrampInaTux · 06-03-2006, 03:38 AM

EDITED.

And that's a really good idea... now I just need to find an old Nirvana song that suits... I'm thinking the Polly chorus. What do you think?

EDIT: Obviously I would change the lyrics though. I don't want to rape Kurt Cobain.

right-track · 06-03-2006, 03:40 AM

Sounds good. In my minds eye, if ever you get to play this, I like the idea of your words to an obvious Nirvana riff for the chorus.

TrampInaTux · 06-03-2006, 03:44 AM

Well this is gonna be pretty dam hard. I want to do the Polly chorus justice, without sounding like I'm mocking Cobain. Still, it will all be worth it in the end. Thanks for the tip mate

*has now forgiven right-track for ruining his 0% warning level*

right-track · 06-03-2006, 03:50 AM

I like this for your chorus (from teen spirit) even though it's the opening verse.
Has quite a thoughtful vibe.
Just change the words?

Load up on guns and bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

EDIT: To be done in the Frances first person. Love the idea of you the songwriter referring to Frances in the verse and then the chorus sung by 'Frances'...if you know what I mean.

TrampInaTux · 06-03-2006, 03:52 AM

Nah... that's to much of an opening line... I doubt it would work as a chorus. It would feel very anti-climactic, in my opinion. I'm still thinking about that Polly chorus... I want one of Nirvana's 'quieter' songs, as I really wouldn't be able to do their famous 'shouty can't understand the lyrics' chorus' any justice.

right-track · 06-03-2006, 03:56 AM

It's not shouty it's quiet and reflective, but it's your song mate hehe.

I really like it, good job.

TrampInaTux · 06-03-2006, 04:00 AM

Ta. But don't you think that the greatness in that opening line is the way it builds up to the chorus? I think that if I put that line as the chorus, then never had anything powerful and loud to finish it with, it would just sound slightly stupid. Anyways thanks for the help, and if you think of any better Nirvana songs that would suit the chorus then feel free to tell me

Thanks

BITCH *felt he hadn't said bitch in a long time*

right-track · 06-03-2006, 04:03 AM

That's why you'll never make it Brum.

incesticide · 06-14-2006, 04:59 PM

I like it.

DontRunMeOver · 06-17-2006, 07:47 AM

That is a really good lyric, Hobo. They're right, it needs a proper chorus. I had an idea which is written below, hope it gives you some more ideas!

I messed around with the intro lyrics to smells like Teen Spirit (kind of warping each individual line, so it still fits to the same tune but goes with this song better). It could be tried as a chorus like right-track was suggesting before.

He brought the guns, his friends all came
He lost his own pretending game
So self assured and bored to death
A dirty word his dying breath

06-14-2006, 04:59 PM	#19 (permalink)
incesticide !!! Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Merrimac, Massachusetts Posts: 70	I like it. __________________ why be famous? be infamous.

06-03-2006, 03:38 AM	#11 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	EDITED. And that's a really good idea... now I just need to find an old Nirvana song that suits... I'm thinking the Polly chorus. What do you think? EDIT: Obviously I would change the lyrics though. I don't want to rape Kurt Cobain.

06-03-2006, 03:40 AM	#12 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	Sounds good. In my minds eye, if ever you get to play this, I like the idea of your words to an obvious Nirvana riff for the chorus.

06-03-2006, 03:44 AM	#13 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Well this is gonna be pretty dam hard. I want to do the Polly chorus justice, without sounding like I'm mocking Cobain. Still, it will all be worth it in the end. Thanks for the tip mate has now forgiven right-track for ruining his 0% warning level

06-03-2006, 03:50 AM	#14 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	I like this for your chorus (from teen spirit) even though it's the opening verse. Has quite a thoughtful vibe. Just change the words? Load up on guns and bring your friends It's fun to lose and to pretend She's over bored and self assured Oh no, I know a dirty word EDIT: To be done in the Frances first person. Love the idea of you the songwriter referring to Frances in the verse and then the chorus sung by 'Frances'...if you know what I mean.

06-03-2006, 03:52 AM	#15 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Nah... that's to much of an opening line... I doubt it would work as a chorus. It would feel very anti-climactic, in my opinion. I'm still thinking about that Polly chorus... I want one of Nirvana's 'quieter' songs, as I really wouldn't be able to do their famous 'shouty can't understand the lyrics' chorus' any justice.

06-03-2006, 03:56 AM	#16 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	It's not shouty it's quiet and reflective, but it's your song mate hehe. I really like it, good job.

06-03-2006, 04:00 AM	#17 (permalink)
TrampInaTux that's my war face. Join Date: Nov 2005 Posts: 1,418	Ta. But don't you think that the greatness in that opening line is the way it builds up to the chorus? I think that if I put that line as the chorus, then never had anything powerful and loud to finish it with, it would just sound slightly stupid. Anyways thanks for the help, and if you think of any better Nirvana songs that would suit the chorus then feel free to tell me Thanks BITCH felt he hadn't said bitch in a long time

06-03-2006, 04:03 AM	#18 (permalink)
right-track Atchin' Akai Join Date: May 2005 Location: Unamerica Posts: 8,723	That's why you'll never make it Brum.