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Old 06-03-2006, 03:38 AM   #11 (permalink)
that's my war face.
 
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EDITED.

And that's a really good idea... now I just need to find an old Nirvana song that suits... I'm thinking the Polly chorus. What do you think?

EDIT: Obviously I would change the lyrics though. I don't want to rape Kurt Cobain.
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Old 06-03-2006, 03:40 AM   #12 (permalink)
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Sounds good. In my minds eye, if ever you get to play this, I like the idea of your words to an obvious Nirvana riff for the chorus.
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Old 06-03-2006, 03:44 AM   #13 (permalink)
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Well this is gonna be pretty dam hard. I want to do the Polly chorus justice, without sounding like I'm mocking Cobain. Still, it will all be worth it in the end. Thanks for the tip mate

*has now forgiven right-track for ruining his 0% warning level*

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Old 06-03-2006, 03:50 AM   #14 (permalink)
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I like this for your chorus (from teen spirit) even though it's the opening verse.
Has quite a thoughtful vibe.
Just change the words?

Load up on guns and bring your friends
It's fun to lose and to pretend
She's over bored and self assured
Oh no, I know a dirty word

EDIT: To be done in the Frances first person. Love the idea of you the songwriter referring to Frances in the verse and then the chorus sung by 'Frances'...if you know what I mean.
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Old 06-03-2006, 03:52 AM   #15 (permalink)
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Nah... that's to much of an opening line... I doubt it would work as a chorus. It would feel very anti-climactic, in my opinion. I'm still thinking about that Polly chorus... I want one of Nirvana's 'quieter' songs, as I really wouldn't be able to do their famous 'shouty can't understand the lyrics' chorus' any justice.
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Old 06-03-2006, 03:56 AM   #16 (permalink)
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It's not shouty it's quiet and reflective, but it's your song mate hehe.

I really like it, good job.
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Old 06-03-2006, 04:00 AM   #17 (permalink)
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Ta. But don't you think that the greatness in that opening line is the way it builds up to the chorus? I think that if I put that line as the chorus, then never had anything powerful and loud to finish it with, it would just sound slightly stupid. Anyways thanks for the help, and if you think of any better Nirvana songs that would suit the chorus then feel free to tell me

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BITCH *felt he hadn't said bitch in a long time*
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Old 06-03-2006, 04:03 AM   #18 (permalink)
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That's why you'll never make it Brum.
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Old 06-14-2006, 04:59 PM   #19 (permalink)
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I like it.
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Old 06-17-2006, 07:47 AM   #20 (permalink)
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That is a really good lyric, Hobo. They're right, it needs a proper chorus. I had an idea which is written below, hope it gives you some more ideas!

I messed around with the intro lyrics to smells like Teen Spirit (kind of warping each individual line, so it still fits to the same tune but goes with this song better). It could be tried as a chorus like right-track was suggesting before.

He brought the guns, his friends all came
He lost his own pretending game
So self assured and bored to death
A dirty word his dying breath
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