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Old 06-29-2006, 04:33 PM   #8 (permalink)
DontRunMeOver
They call me Tundra Boy
 
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Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: In your linen cupboard.
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If the song were split up into sections like below, it would maybe make more sense with regards to whether he's singing about the 2nd or 3rd person. However, it would just be better to sing the whole thing about the 2nd person (so always singing to 'you' not 'her'), in my opinion.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hobojesus
Passion seeping through your fingertips
The sweat from your hands intertwined with mine
Your eyes closed so I can appreciate her/your beauty
and your mind open so I can tell her/you so
every word clouded by my daring thoughts
and mirrored by your desire for them

As we gaze towards the barren ceiling
not a word to be uttered, we know them already
My hands run along your hair, but yours stay safely
around my waist where they are attached
Love glitters while your body sparkles

Here you are, retiring from your will
and freeing yourself of what you once thought you knew

Listen to the echoes of the same old phrases
and pretend they don't wear thin, just for me
It's hard to believe that we could end up here
and here we would stay
but I'm preparing to lie to myself
and rest, holding you all day
Making those corrections also illustrated to me how many times the word 'your' now features in the song. Maybe you're overusing the possessive a bit? Think about how it sounds when a particular word continually crops up in a song - a bit funny sounding, right? Having now pointed out that issue, I'm sorry to say that I don't have a clue how you can resolve it!


Crowe smells like a man who showers in his own urine.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Katyppfan View Post
When Pete plays it is 100% live , your music if that's what you call it doesn't sound so good either? so you can't really critercize can you ?
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