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Old 08-01-2006, 08:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
Raine
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 1,531
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your ending confuses the hell outta me.
I sense there's a metaphor/ hidden meaning in there.
I just don't get it.

I've wracked my brain trying to play around with words and it just doesn't work. I think you need to actually touch base on a single idea instead of being so vague adn using phrases that can apply to just about anything

I have no sugestions but to write something that seems to have a subject that the reader can clearly focus in on. I don't think you can dot at with this.A nd most of these lines suck or seem so random when read with the rest of what you have.
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