~~Final decisions~~ (single, song) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-31-2006, 06:50 PM   #1 (permalink)
a l'amou fou pou tout
Crazy Luv's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: NY
Posts: 355
Default ~~Final decisions~~

I stand here pondering
Of a final decision
Looking like a fool
But I don’t have much time
So I can't care about that
Shift to the right
Then to the left
If I make the wrong decision
Right here and now
It could mess up my whole day
Times running out
So I grab at what
I think is best
Look back as I’m walking away
At some of the choices
I left behind
Put the item in the shopping cart
Damn, it’s hard to
Choose one candy
Crazy Luv is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2006, 07:49 PM   #2 (permalink)
angel of tragic days
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 924

Umm I don't really like it. Seems like a poem/song you'd write because your bored, not because you have any real emotion to write about. Its clear the song is about making some kind of choice, but then the very last line just makes what little bit of the song that seemed any bit thoughtful, un thoughtful.

explosions-in-my-pants is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2006, 08:40 AM   #3 (permalink)
Full-Time Hellion
Raine's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 1,531

your ending confuses the hell outta me.
I sense there's a metaphor/ hidden meaning in there.
I just don't get it.

I've wracked my brain trying to play around with words and it just doesn't work. I think you need to actually touch base on a single idea instead of being so vague adn using phrases that can apply to just about anything

I have no sugestions but to write something that seems to have a subject that the reader can clearly focus in on. I don't think you can dot at with this.A nd most of these lines suck or seem so random when read with the rest of what you have.
A pair of powerful spectacles has sometimes sufficed to cure a person in love.

~ Friedrich Nietzsche
Raine is offline   Reply With Quote

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads

© 2003-2023 Advameg, Inc.