PaperHurricanesAndPlanes

I agree with NaNaNer and Oojay. Two questions in a row = bad. Use symmetry, and by that I mean, have a one line verse; the question, then have a verse describing the scene, where it happened, the dogs, and all that, then repeat with the second question. Rhyming business with business, also bad. Unsociable kills the flow, pick a better flowing word.

Sometimes I can laugh when I'm falling down,
hitting every stone along the way,
other times I want to swing,
and other times I am afraid,
^ And some times you repeat words too much.

sharp remembrance
^ On the positive side, I liked that.

Edit: This isn't a critique on your poem/song, but a critique on your behavior. Stop acting like a child.

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