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Thread: Tears Like Rain
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Old 03-07-2007, 03:57 PM   #4 (permalink)
enemyat_thesix
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Boston
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Quote:
These water molecules don't hurt our
Faces, arms, hands, or hearts, but they have jumped:
From skyscrapers thousands of stories tall
From lives short stories long
From dissipating homes like sad stories
From toppling bookcases in heaven
I especially like this stanza, though I think 'droplets' would be more appropriate than 'water molecules'.

The rest of the poem contains some fragments that throw off the tone, and seem out of place, such as 'increasingly distorted' and 'laughing'. Lastly, I think the end became too repetitive, and too philosophical, another departure from the original tone.

Just my opinions. I really like the aforementioned stanza, though; great wordplay with the 'Lives short stories long'.
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