Quote:
Originally Posted by Crowquill
Its a Brad Paisley song....
Anyway, I understand in rap its normal to say wit instead of with or ya instead of your but when typing it out on the forum just say with and your it makes it look much more intelligent.
I don't care for this, for one the last verse seems like a Brad Paisley knock off and it seems like you've never really had experience with alcoholism its more like you saw a TV show or something and wrote about it. I think taking a much less angsty/angry stance would be much more powerful or maybe a look at a specific situation and then telling about that situation. My personal opinion is personal writing is much better then general writing to apply to everyone because it evokes much more emotion.
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Thanks for the feedback. Regarding the use of "wit" instead of "with," honestly, if the usage of that word is going to take away from the message of the song that much, then I think that the listener/reader of that verse is on a different plane altogether. That sounds like a continuous criticism used by people who don't listen to rap/hip-hop, when the fact of the matter is, hip-hop has its own vernacular, and its own syntax/context for said vernacular - if you don't listen to it, you're either going to not understand it, or just devalue the music altogether. No disrespect to you; just a general find.
Additionally, for the last verse seeming like a Brad Paisley knockoff, I don't think hip-hop listeners would think that, considering that Brad Paisley is a country artist, which many rap fans don't listen to. As far as it being too negative, I've seen alcohol do a lot of negative to my family and to myself, including me nearly getting killed by a drunk driver. Plus, I made it a point to not just preach about the negativity that comes from it. I tried to actually relate to alcoholics' views and investigate why people turn to alcohol, with lines like this:
You must admit, in between, we had some good times
I gave you all that confidence to mack on them dimes
And you would give me to them, they feelin me too
**** up their brain, persuading them to give you the cooch/
When ya moms died, and friends was too busy to console you
I was there, never left, I would hug you, and hold you
Vomit for hours every morning, but that’s a sacrifice
You’re willing to make, I clear your mind and help you sleep at night
and, "*** it I'm through, being sober hasn't worked for me, so I'm bout to really see what these drugs really do"
The second verse was just a little more experimental, as far as personifying a bottle of alcohol. The first verse was a verse about a man on the edge, feeling like it's him against the world ("what's "it"? my temper, my pain and my circumstances/like the world knows EVERY last nerve, and it's workin at em
im killin everything, everybody in my path/whether its 1, or 100, or a thousand, feel my wrath"), while the second verse touches on both immensely negative situations and light-hearted ones, like using it to get women (well, light-hearted, depending on perspective).
I look at alcohol as a negative, but I thought that I presented different sides of what alcohol can do, and how/why people actually get addicted. Still, I appreciate the feedback.