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IrishWhiskey · 05-13-2007, 01:15 PM

i like this a lot, even with the excessive rhyming... its one of those things that would sound good in song, though the lyrics alone are a bit sketchy

if its in a song, you probably have to keep the rhyming... but if its just a poem you should change it up a bit, cause it does sound kind of forced

good stuff though, i like your style of writing

05-13-2007, 01:15 PM	#3 (permalink)
IrishWhiskey Music Addict Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: new jersey Posts: 48	i like this a lot, even with the excessive rhyming... its one of those things that would sound good in song, though the lyrics alone are a bit sketchy if its in a song, you probably have to keep the rhyming... but if its just a poem you should change it up a bit, cause it does sound kind of forced good stuff though, i like your style of writing