Angels Dont Fly (lyrics, blues, rock, Polish, reviews) - Music Banter Music Banter

Go Back   Music Banter > Artists Corner > Song Writing, Lyrics and Poetry
Register Blogging Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read
Welcome to Music Banter Forum! Make sure to register - it's free and very quick! You have to register before you can post and participate in our discussions with over 70,000 other registered members. After you create your free account, you will be able to customize many options, you will have the full access to over 1,100,000 posts.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-12-2007, 06:42 PM   #1 (permalink)
infamous nimbus
 
Jadix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 140
Default Angels Dont Fly - *updated*

Rock/blues type of deal going on here

I see angels, all the time
But they do not come from the sky
They dont have wings, they can't fly
They walk the streets like you and I

There is nothing, nothing wrong
The gates of heaven are long gone
Even Heaven, can not last
Someone pawned that gold for cash

I see people, look around
Theres no magic within this town
Its like music, in the sound
Its the people who gathered 'round

Last edited by Jadix; 05-13-2007 at 07:44 PM.
Jadix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-12-2007, 07:07 PM   #2 (permalink)
killedmyraindog
 
TheBig3's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Boston, Massachusetts
Posts: 11,078
Default

mmmm, you know actually I like it but the rhyme has to go. You have some cool concepts in there that you don't beat to death. I mean the idea of the gold in the gates of heaven getting pawned says a ton without actually saying it.

But then in the next stanza you have expository lines like "but I don't see them in the sky"

I mean, when you say their on the street just passing by that tells us that they aren't in the sky, so lose the "but I don't see them" line.

I think you did a nice job of keeping it simple, keeping it subtle and you didn't whine an unhealthy amount as some might have with that "i'm sensitive but I still wanna be a badass so I'll say my life sucks and its really hard."

Get some more reviews, polish it up and go from there.
TheBig3 is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2007, 02:15 PM   #3 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
IrishWhiskey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: new jersey
Posts: 48
Default

i like this a lot, even with the excessive rhyming... its one of those things that would sound good in song, though the lyrics alone are a bit sketchy

if its in a song, you probably have to keep the rhyming... but if its just a poem you should change it up a bit, cause it does sound kind of forced


good stuff though, i like your style of writing
IrishWhiskey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-13-2007, 07:43 PM   #4 (permalink)
infamous nimbus
 
Jadix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 140
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by TheBig3KilledMyRainDog View Post
mmmm, you know actually I like it but the rhyme has to go. You have some cool concepts in there that you don't beat to death. I mean the idea of the gold in the gates of heaven getting pawned says a ton without actually saying it.

But then in the next stanza you have expository lines like "but I don't see them in the sky"

I mean, when you say their on the street just passing by that tells us that they aren't in the sky, so lose the "but I don't see them" line.

I think you did a nice job of keeping it simple, keeping it subtle and you didn't whine an unhealthy amount as some might have with that "i'm sensitive but I still wanna be a badass so I'll say my life sucks and its really hard."

Get some more reviews, polish it up and go from there.
"I dont see them in the sky" means the are not godly creatures. The next line kind of underlines that by saying "they dont have wings, they dont fly". However, the last line "they walk the streets like you and I" is supposed to give them the human element. Thats what really tells the listener what Im talking about. If I change one of these lines it might be the third one, but I think the point that they are not real angels needs to be very clear.

and yes this is intended to be a song.

Also, i updated it.
Jadix is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-18-2007, 10:50 AM   #5 (permalink)
Music Addict
 
IrishWhiskey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: new jersey
Posts: 48
Default

/thumbsup


I really like this, I don't know why. I don't usually like that much rhyming in a poem, but this is an exception. It just really appeals to me-- I don't know if it's the simplicity of it or just how it's written or what.

Do you have a link to your music?
IrishWhiskey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-26-2007, 07:51 PM   #6 (permalink)
infamous nimbus
 
Jadix's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 140
Default

Quote:
Do you have a link to your music?
I just sang this for the first time last night at a show. A buddy filmed the whole thing so I'll post a link here once I get a copy.
Jadix is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Similar Threads



© 2003-2023 Advameg, Inc.