Trauma, often I felt like you, I don't want to sound patronizing because for what I've read you seem a very intelligent person... but I would say don't worry about what you can't do right now, do whatever it's in your hand, opportunities to "do something" always arise and life is very long... and don't feel ashamed for what you have, just value it more deeply and share whenever you can.
Not being a fascist jerk is enough to me, unfortunately the world is still full of fools. I believe small changes end up adding to revolutionary changes.
And most important, enjoy whatever you do without fear (some jokingly define a fascist as a scared bourgois).
Sorry for the telegram style post
