the flowiness is hard to follow only because some things don't have enough information about them
for instance
"the crevices are closing in
hold them back
or you'll fall in
The pigs are off the cliff
leaving you alone
to decide for yourself
Will you jump or follow me?
the red ant in the millions of black
will you stand out? or blend in
the crevices are closing in
hold them back
or you'll fall in"
these few stanzas are good its just they need more into them. like they just dont have much to them which throws off the flowiness of the song/poem
also.
try to use a more creative word choice.
yours
the crevices are closing in
hold them back
or you'll fall in
new version
the crevices that i fear are slowly beginning to close in
i will try to hold them back,
but with fail you will fall in
you see?
more words = more power
i like it though there are just a few things you forget. but dont give up. you always get better through experience.
