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Old 12-04-2007, 08:56 AM   #9 (permalink)
TheCaster
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Somewhere in the U.S
Posts: 400
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Quote:
Originally Posted by awriterslastresort View Post
this makes me want to stop writing

ugh.

tip
just try to fix these few stanzas:

"Shame you had to waste all your time on me,
oh how I dread to think of all those possibilities
you wasted...
Would you believe I lay awake every night
thinking of how I devoured your time

Not long ago you were a waitress, forlorn,
those perfect eyes refused to look up from the floor
and if it were not for those clothes I bought,
the ones that you cut up and now seductively adorn
Not long ago you were a waitress forlorn
til I took you out and revealed what your body was for
and if it was not for these hands of mine
then love I am sure you'd still be 9 til 5.

Such a shame you had to waste all your time on me...
discovering yourself but denying those possibilities
oh and darling I cry myself to sleep at night knowing that you chose them
envy that I have neither the time, nor the money, nor the girth of all these other men...

Your lips can be put to better use
than around the rim of a porcelain mug...
and your hands can be put to better use
than clasping the handle of a coffee jug."

Hahahahahaha, PWNED... sorry
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Tongue-tied and twisted just an earth-bound misfit
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