I know I'll probably come across as a guy who does nothing but give critical remarks, but I'm about to comment on this one too. I like the subject alot better than the rest I've seen so far, so that's an improvement. The first lines are all alright, except for fire being repeated twice without much delay. "Jumping into the sky" may mean catching a plane, and although people may understand it, we need to make sure everything is coherent all the way through. I have no problems with the third stanza at all, other than changing "the" to their. "Their wings" would make alot more sense. Also, repeating stars in the last stanza, is just like repeating fire in the first. Rework it a little bit, and this one could be good.
Also, a good tip would be to make sure everything is is coherent, by clearing up minor grammar infringements.
"I'll sit by the fire wishing something else to happen." It would flow alot better if it were,
"I'll sit by the fire and wish for something else to happen."
You get the picture.
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Originally Posted by RezZ
I think I know much better than you ever will how Mettalica is. I used to play for 2 years in a Mettalica cover band.
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