its kind of cliche, and rhymes too much for my taste...or maybe the rhymes aren't good enough to be used as heavily as they are.
the last few lines are really weak imo.
I wish I could hold you
and keep you safe witin my sight
One day ill show you what youve done for me is right
As i think in the stillness of the night
especially the "ill show you whate you've done for me is right"
however, you said you were pretty new to songwriting, so dont worry too much. You'll get better and become more able to recognize cliches and lines that just suck.
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