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Double X · 06-27-2008, 08:43 PM

I agree, sappy lines are dumpster. I love the beginning though.

I'm a refugee in an open sea
I'm waiting to be saved
I've got open sores and a life that's torn
I'm anything but brave

I think if you change the chorus that has all the 'When I see you I'm blah blah blah' (basically the idea of the song) you could have a great piece of work. If you focus on imagery you could make this into a solid song.

06-27-2008, 08:43 PM	#3 (permalink)
Double X sleepe Join Date: Jun 2008 Location: boston Posts: 1,140	I agree, sappy lines are dumpster. I love the beginning though. I'm a refugee in an open sea I'm waiting to be saved I've got open sores and a life that's torn I'm anything but brave I think if you change the chorus that has all the 'When I see you I'm blah blah blah' (basically the idea of the song) you could have a great piece of work. If you focus on imagery you could make this into a solid song.