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Old 08-10-2008, 06:38 PM   #9 (permalink)
creepinson
you are freakin out, man
 
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: ajax, ontario
Posts: 129
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Like PapeHurriPlanes said, the imagery was very detailed and rather beautiful and worked together well. The repetition of "in my dream" was effective too, but, and this might just be me, i think the fact that you keep reinforcing the fact that it is a dream makes it harder to get a feeling of importance from it. I mean the way you portrayed the realization of inner peace was good, and you were able to sorta communicate the impact of it on the character, whoever it may have been, but at the same time it was just a dream and because of that the implications, and therefor the degree to which we can become attached to and relate to this character and this realization seems in a way muted. Like i said though, that may just be me, and it was no doubt still very well written.
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