Just when I had all but abandoned the song writing forum. This is a return to what I loved - excellent writing about a subject so explored by those before you. I'm excited to have you back and championing the c4c that never really caught on here. You play a dangerous game with the rhyming in the sort of freestyle you have here, but never cross the line which was nice. There are points in the last 4 "lines" that border on rambling just so you can get a pretty image in - but again, you hold up before it gets out of hand.
Quote:
But now I’ve started thinking ‘bout how sometimes fate just can’t be fought. So we’ll dry our eyes and wave goodbye, and I’ll miss my Forgetmenaut.
|
Things like spoken slang ('bout) look so ridiculous when they're written - not your fault, just an observation of mine. You don't have to do that when you're writing you know, especially when it's not especially for lyrics. The word :about
: isn't a cumbersome word, so I would avoid that if I were you - it won't affect your flow at all.
Welcome back!