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Old 08-17-2008, 01:44 PM   #6 (permalink)
Crowe
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Join Date: Dec 2005
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Just when I had all but abandoned the song writing forum. This is a return to what I loved - excellent writing about a subject so explored by those before you. I'm excited to have you back and championing the c4c that never really caught on here. You play a dangerous game with the rhyming in the sort of freestyle you have here, but never cross the line which was nice. There are points in the last 4 "lines" that border on rambling just so you can get a pretty image in - but again, you hold up before it gets out of hand.

Quote:
But now I’ve started thinking ‘bout how sometimes fate just can’t be fought. So we’ll dry our eyes and wave goodbye, and I’ll miss my Forgetmenaut.
Things like spoken slang ('bout) look so ridiculous when they're written - not your fault, just an observation of mine. You don't have to do that when you're writing you know, especially when it's not especially for lyrics. The word :about: isn't a cumbersome word, so I would avoid that if I were you - it won't affect your flow at all.

Welcome back!
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