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aveneficus · 11-16-2008, 04:28 PM

I liked this a lot.
I have only one suggestion:
In the last line of the third stanza, possibly changing the word 'like' to 'as'.
It keeps the same meaning, but I feel like it flows a bit better.
Just a suggestion, good work.

11-16-2008, 04:28 PM	#7 (permalink)
aveneficus Groupie Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Cincinnati, OH Posts: 44	I liked this a lot. I have only one suggestion: In the last line of the third stanza, possibly changing the word 'like' to 'as'. It keeps the same meaning, but I feel like it flows a bit better. Just a suggestion, good work.