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Old 12-17-2008, 06:13 PM   #15 (permalink)
Wifey Boozer
Meanie McFeany
 
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY
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All right... it has attitude. I like attitude. However... "call me" is repeated way too much, in my opinion... I know that's the point of the piece, but it just gets relentless after a while, and not in a good way... Some of the lines are great, but rhyming "out" three times is just rather annoying. Like all the allusions, not sure where the metaphors were, though.

Favorite line: "Call me Jesus Christ cuz this is your last meal"

Thought the Ali line was a bit corny, and not particularly fond of an easy rhym with "shoo-in" just before that. The Aztec/ruin thing was good, though. "Legend" line seems to serve no purpose and it just comes off pretentious, to me. Pilgrim/feast line just kinda made me chuckle... I mean, it just doesn't seem to fit.

But the last line was golden. So, overall... it needs some work, but I like what you're trying to do.

So... crit for crit? Pweez? http://www.musicbanter.com/song-writ...ay-winter.html
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