At the end of the first stanza I was just like, "no."... I don't know if I have high standards, or if I've just been in a bad mood for months at a time, or if people on this forum lately generally can't write lyrics/poetry. Is this meant to be mockery of...something or other? It seems lately, what I see... the problem is people are getting hung up on the structure of things. And that shouldn't matter, lyrically anyway, musically is a different story. I think the reason we have a songwriting forum is so people can better their lyrical skills - not to show off how well it fits with a song. Congrats, you can out drink Dr. Seuss, what do you want a prize? Lyrics/poetry is losing it's soul. Ever hear of free verse? Don't worry about the rhyming or the structure. ****.
PS: Your piece doesn't seem to really be about anything. Your piece brags where it should be prompting us to ask why. Not that you should worry about what the reader thinks. You should write for yourself and no one else, or else it turns to **** regardless. But you ask for feedback, you get feedback.
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... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.
Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.
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