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Old 02-01-2009, 05:30 PM   #1 (permalink)
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 1
Talking Whatdoyathink?

Hi, this is my first on this forum, hope its good, would like to hear feedback

Lightning, fire and steel
Iron fists of iron will
Be strong, shadow knights,
Tonight we'll ride!
So let the Hell begin!

Never look back and chase your fate
Even if banner lies broken and torn.
To end of the world, to seventh hell's gate
And through fire you'll be reborn.

Meteor rain sets alight the dawn
Thunder and lightning rule the day
Evening is coming, our line is drawn
And at night we join the fray!

Rise from the ashes, get ready to fight
Never give in, never retreat.
Answer the call and show your might
We'd rather die than admit defeat!
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Old 02-01-2009, 05:53 PM   #2 (permalink)
Meanie McFeany
Wifey Boozer's Avatar
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Troy side'ah the dirt, NY
Posts: 455

At the end of the first stanza I was just like, "no."... I don't know if I have high standards, or if I've just been in a bad mood for months at a time, or if people on this forum lately generally can't write lyrics/poetry. Is this meant to be mockery of...something or other? It seems lately, what I see... the problem is people are getting hung up on the structure of things. And that shouldn't matter, lyrically anyway, musically is a different story. I think the reason we have a songwriting forum is so people can better their lyrical skills - not to show off how well it fits with a song. Congrats, you can out drink Dr. Seuss, what do you want a prize? Lyrics/poetry is losing it's soul. Ever hear of free verse? Don't worry about the rhyming or the structure. ****.

PS: Your piece doesn't seem to really be about anything. Your piece brags where it should be prompting us to ask why. Not that you should worry about what the reader thinks. You should write for yourself and no one else, or else it turns to **** regardless. But you ask for feedback, you get feedback.

... Stalin had a FANTASTIC moustache.

Formerly known as the Prime Minister of Spain.

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